It's not about the shoes you wear,but how you wear 'em, darling.

Reading material.

2012-02-06T22:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a momma's just gotta multitask ;)

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Blog lurrve.

2012-02-06T20:42:00.002-08:00

So there a couple of blogs which I adore to death and read on a regular basis. They are, in no particular order...

- Bleubird Vintage Official Blog. A mum of three, this ridiculously stylish momma has a passion for all things vintage. Her photos are so charming, and you'll find yourself going ooooh and aaahhhh. Love, love.

- Karla's closet. I've been following her since, like, forever. I want everything in her closet. Her style is a little bit feminine, a little bit tomboy, a whole lotta glamorous. And we like glamorous!

- Dear Baby. This mum of two is such a beautiful writer, every one of her posts gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. Her words just melt like butter. And her baby boy is so sweet he gives me a toothache ;)

- I've Got A Lust For Life. If you have a passion for edgy in-your-face fashion, make this your inspiration.

So there you go, just a few of my faves. What are yours, would love to know :) Share the love!

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Hello, New York City!

2012-02-04T20:08:00.001-08:00

Happy Sunday!

xxx

Black and white.

2012-02-04T05:36:00.001-08:00

I'm no Photoshop expert (far from it!), but converting photos to black and white proves to be super addictive. Almost as therapeutic as shopping. Almost.

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

My dearest Ayden.

2012-02-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

Where did the time go? I can't believe you're 9 months already baby bear! This time, 9 months ago, the doctor in Mediviron told me I was going to have you. And we haven't looked back since, have we? :) You're growing before my very eyes, coming into your own. You're a little firecracker - you're showing signs of stranger anxiety when you meet people you don't recognise, but your smile is bright enough to light up the darkest room when you see me and your baba coming home from work. It's the best thing to come home to.

You still love your Sesame Street videos, your current favourites are Bruno Mars' Don't Give Up, Musica (the penguin playing the bongos gets me every time), Adam Sandler's A Song About Elmo (you crack a smile the second Elmo comes out at the beginning of the video!) but you still love your first ever video, Will.I.Am's What I Am. This song still garners a gummy grin from you! Development-wise, you are still army crawling all over the place. You grunt a lot now, just like the bear that you are. You'll go "HURHHHHH" when you call for someone or need some attention. We're working on you to pronounce some syllables instead of grunts, but no pressure, kiddo ;) You sit up sturdily now, but you still love being on your belly. Your legs are getting stronger when you stand up with support, you are balancing yourself steadily but you're not showing any interest to stand up just yet. I've come to realise that with you, it's better to not worry about whether you're hitting your milestones right on target - you develop at your own pace, when you're ready and when you want to do it. No way is anyone going to force you to do something you don't want to do, no sirree! One thing I can't help but wonder though, is when your first tooth is going to make its appearance! Everytime you start drooling a little more than usual or chomp down on your stubby fingers and go to town on them, baba and I look at each other and exhange 'I-think-he's-teething-aaaaanytime-now' looks... just for your gums to stay toothless for the next few months! But you sure act like you have teeth, gnawing on your baby bite biscuits like a pro!

Alright, here's the thing I love about you the most. Your sense of humour. It's a tad on the sarcastic side which is hilarious! This one time, baba was playing a video of a chubby kid being spanked by his mother for cutting school (don't ask, someone linked it on facebook). So this boy was whining and crying saying sorry for cutting school while being spanked (lightly) by his mum who was scolding him. True story - you actually watched the video and started chuckling. Baba and I found that so funny and we laughed along with you. And this may just be coincidental, but you laugh at adult jokes. A couple of times Baba would crack a sarcastic joke and you laugh your heh-heh-heh laugh as if you understand what he's saying. You're a hoot, kiddo!

Ayden bear, sometimes I feel that you're growing so fast I can barely catch my breath. There are times when you won't even let me hold your hand and I catch a glimpse of how one day you'll want to do everything on your own and I'll just have to step back and let you be independent. Then, there are those moments where time stands still and you come close to me, let me hug you and you look at me with 'that look' and I feel like I'm all you ever need. Thank you for those moments, kiddo.

Here's to many more, no matter how big you get.

Love,

Your mama bear.

updates coming your way :)

2012-02-02T01:45:00.000-08:00

I promise to blog this weekend. It's been too long. *cracks knuckles* good long weekend holiday, perfect time to write.

Sloppy kisses,
`Aainaa

We're still here..

2012-01-28T19:26:00.001-08:00

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Blogless.

2011-12-26T05:50:00.000-08:00

This blog has been pretty slow with the updates because I find myself losing the interest to write lately. Sometimes I ask myself why I even bother blogging. Too often, actually. I used to be one of those girls who used to write in their diary everyday-I started writing in one when I was 9-years-old. Datuk bought me my first Garfield diary and I started every entry with "Dear diary", like how you're supposed to start at the beginning of everything. I didn't have an 'audience' then, it was just me and my thoughts. And I guess by having a blog, I thought that I would satisfy the urge to just...write. About anything. About my life. What I did today. What I feel like doing tomorrow. How hurt I am about something someone did and I just feel like venting. And now, it's mostly about how much I adore my son. How he's growing at lightning speed. How I love being a mom. How exhausting it is being a mom. And on it goes.

But here's the thing. I'm pretty sure there are some of my 'readers' who visit my blog just so they can bitch about something I've written. Any occasion, they'll be up for it. Because I get it, there are people who have nothing better to do but to dish out nasty comments. Like when I wrote the post to my husband telling him how much I appreciate him, because he was feeling a tad bit left out just for someone to call it "NAUSEATING". So when something like this happens, yes, I really feel uninspired about blogging, especially revealing my innermost feelings. And because of this 'icky' feeling, I find myself drifting away from my blog and putting off writing. I hate that I have to think twice about writing something because of these people, when it's my own personal space to begin with. I feel like it really takes away the whole purpose of me blogging. So to my dear genuine readers, I'm going on a 'blog break' for now. I'll return when my heart feels like opening itself up again and I can put myself out there so I can eagerly share with you details of my life, just as I have been doing all this while. 2011 has been one heck of a journey, and I thank you for coming with me on the ride.

Till we meet again, happy new year, everyone.

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Come to mama.

2011-12-25T21:56:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to purchasing this, after eyeing it for so long. Will be playing around with this baby when I'm not playing around with my actual baby (insert "hahaha you're so witty" laughter here). So far, the colours seem pretty alright, but the brush feels a bit on the cheapo side. Which reminds me, I need to get a brush kit soon....and maybe a good skincare set to go with it....

sloppy kisses x

Sunday.

2011-12-25T03:10:00.000-08:00

Maine has joined the 28-year-old club and is kicking ass at it. Maine, happy belated birthday you sexy thang you! To everyone else, if you like breakfast (mushrooms, eggs, ham etc) and you like pizza, then you GOTTA go to Estate at Intermark. Because some genius thought up BREAKFAST PIZZA. And it's super yummy. I'm salivating just thinking about it. Go now people! now now now!

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Ayden is eight!

2011-12-10T19:14:00.001-08:00

Months, that is. He is a squirmy wormy momma's boy who is as fast as lightning in his walker! Road Runner ain't got nothin' on him!

Happy 8 months baby bear! True love forever, kiddo.

8 sloppy kisses,

Momma bear

To my husband.

2011-12-10T15:56:00.000-08:00

I know it seems as if I've only had time for Ayden lately, but I see the sacrifices you do for our family. How hard you work (often till the wee hours of the morning!), how much you love Ayden and would do anything in the world for him and how you still manage to make me laugh everyday.

You're never overlooked sayang. I see all that you're doing for us. You're a father and a husband and you take it all in your gentle stride. Sometimes I look at you and see the man that I first fell in love with. That man will always be there - no matter how bogged down we get with daily responsibilities, how much we've evolved into different people (physically as well as emotionally). I still see us, our first date in your old car, having drive thru McDonalds at 2am, talking about anything and everything under the sun while we munch on french fries, discovering things about each other and slowly falling in love. The dimple in your right cheek as you flash me that smile of yours that always makes me melt. That will always be us.

After all these years, I could not adore you more. And as our family continues to grow (Insyaallah in years to come) my love for you grows deeply too. You're my confidante, my soulmate, my bestfriend and my husband.

I see you, sayang. I always have.

Love always,

Your wife.

Cute weekend outfit.

2011-12-10T15:35:00.001-08:00

Pic courtesy of (where else?) ASOS

Being a mom and having to handle a baby during weekends out has made me a slave to the one-piece outfit. I usually just totter about in a dress and flats because it's hassle free, but this denim playsuit is too cute. And I know babies aren't accessories, but with red ballet flats and an adorable bouncing baby dressed in denim in tow and you'd finish off this outfit perfectly. ha ha!

Happy Sunday everyone!

Smell you later!

2011-12-10T15:14:00.001-08:00

ok, I'm OBSESSED.

Last Friday, I strolled into Sephora and spritzed Fresh Brown Sugar's perfume on me, because I thought the name initially sounded interesting...I mean, brown sugar perfume? And I like brown sugar, so what would it actually smell like as a perfume?

So I tried some..and I'm in love. It does have this sweet, caramel smell, but it's mixed in with citrus too. Yummy and light. It might not be for everyone, because I do realise some people do not favour gourmand fragrances (right now I spritz myself from time to time with Victoria's Secret Coconut Passion body mist and my colleagues find it weird that I would want to go around smelling like a cake). Anyway, here are the notes for Brown Sugar, in case you were wondering:

top: Scicilian lemon, tangerine, acai

heart: Sugared magnolia, sheer honeysuckle, peach nectar

base: Caramel, warm amber, cypress

I read the reviews online and the response has been good, just that it may not have that much lasting power. So you may have to keep on spritzing throughout the day. Random note: Chloe perfume lasts AGES. So if you're looking for something which still smells strong hours after, you may want to check it out. I wore some out last night and many hours later it still smells like I've just sprayed it on!

sloppy brown sugar kisses,

'Aainaa

p/s: if any of you ever get to try out brown sugar, let me know what you think!

Gravity.

2011-12-03T17:34:00.000-08:00

The name game.

2011-12-03T16:13:00.000-08:00

Sorry things have been quiet on my blog lately, Ayden fell really ill and I guess I was just mentally and physically exhausted. Alhamdulillah he is feeling better, but he's due for his jab real soon, so that might cause him to get feverish again which is something I'm TOTALLY not looking forward to :( But a jab's a jab and it needs to get done.

Anyway, I was just randomly googling this morning and thought it would be fun to tell you guys some of my favourite (and potential unborn children's!) baby names. These names aren't necessarily loved by Yasir, but I'm hoping he'll come around ;) Keep in mind, these names can't sound too mat salleh! (I like the name Sky, Summer or Jacob if I were mat salleh by the way) ha ha.

In no order of preference, for girls, I love:

- Layla or Leila

- Delailah

- Alana

- Rose (such a classic name and I still love how sweet it sounds on your tongue when you say it)

I actually like the name Rose paired with another name. For example, Delailah Rose. Or Alana Rose.

For boys, I love:

- Noah

- Adam (Yasir doesn't like this name but I do! Maybe because most Adams I know are goodlooking)

- Mikail (still contemplating if I actually like this one...)

Boys names are particularly hard, I can't seem to find a name which I absolutely love. So if ever we're pregnant with a second boy, it's going to be a toughie!

Sometimes I daydream about having a babygirl, and the name that always pops up in my mind is Delailah. Delailah trumps Alana by just a tad because it goes so well with Ayden. I can just see me having Ayden and a sweet little Delailah. Awww. Guess we'll just have to wait and see! (no, in case you're wondering I'm not pregnant again! haha)

What are your faves? I'd love to hear!

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Note to self.

2011-11-26T18:01:00.000-08:00

Nobody likes a nagging mother all the time.

Ayden's favourite Sesame Street video

2011-11-26T16:59:00.000-08:00

Here's him watching it with his sleepy momma who wanted to take a nap but ended up watching an hour of Sesame Street videos...

Yes, he watches it like he's watching the news. He takes his Sesame Street very seriously, people!

Sloppy Sunday kisses x

Relief.

2011-11-26T03:20:00.000-08:00

Someone's feeling much better, alhamdulillah :)

sloppy kisses!

It's no fun.

2011-11-24T21:51:00.000-08:00

When your baby is sick, it's the worst feeling in the world. Not fun at all. Get well soon, my baby.

SIGH.

To my baby boy.

2011-11-19T03:30:00.000-08:00

Ayden bear,

You're 7 months old now. Whenever I look at you, I still can't believe you're my son and I'm your momma. When I open my eyes in the morning, my day begins with seeing your big, gummy smile and a million sleepy kisses on your chubby cheeks. At night it's whispers of I love you and soft forehead kisses while gazing at your peaceful, angelic face as you doze off into dreamland. This has been my routine for the past 7 months, as if everything that happened before never really did.

I remember sometime two years ago before I even married your Baba, I was sitting at the dining room table accompanying your great grandfather while he ate his dinner. I was quiet while I watched him eat, my mind filled with thoughts of what I wanted to do with my life, where it was heading. I was contemplating decisions about my career, and felt unusually restless. After minutes of utter silence, datuk finally looked up from his plate, looked at me and asked "Aainaa, what do you want to be?" And in an instant, without hesitation, I found myself saying, "I want to be a mom."

And here we are two years later and I'm a mom to the sweetest baby boy. You're seven months old and rolling up a storm, still obsessed with your sesame street DVD (singular, it's this one particular DVD only which you LOVE called Sesame Beginnings Make Music Together) and ready to crawl anytime now - your bum lifts are getting more prominent! You study everything you come across, and always want to be in the know of what's going on around you. The other day when the movers brought all our stuff from our apartment, you wanted in on the action, watching all these men carrying the cardboard boxes and peering into them with a quizzical look on your face. I already know you're a thinker! You recognise faces and have some favourites but I'm your number one lady ;) You love it when I sing to you and study my lips, sometimes touching it with your fingers and smiling softly - especially when I sing Christina Aguilera's 'I Turn To You'. It's our song, you and me. No one else's.

Ayden, you're the missing piece in my life's puzzle. That evening at the dining room table when I told your great grandfather I wanted to be a mom, God heard me then and sent you to me two years later. If I knew back then what I know now, I would have never felt restless. I'm a mom to you, my baby bear, and its been more than my heart could ever begin to imagine or anticipate. When you look at me with your big eyes and touch my face, studying it so intently, I know this is exactly what I'm meant to be doing with my life. You're my proudest accomplishment. Everything else doesn't even come close.

I love you, my baby bear.

Love always and always,

Your Mama

Sunday brunch.

2011-11-13T02:08:00.000-08:00

Brunches used to be just us girls (occassionally with the hubs), gossiping, chit-chatting and long conversations. Now there's a wriggly, squirmy, cant-sit-still, 7 month old baby at our table that hogs everyone's attention! But one thing remains the same - good food, great company. That's all you'll ever need :)

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Baby you're so sweet you know you should've been some honey.

2011-11-12T18:55:00.000-08:00

I've always loved the lyrics to this song. Enjoy!

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Ayden Hood is seven (months) on 11.11.11!

2011-11-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

7 months of exhausting, happy, overwhelming, gleeful, heart bursting love, morning sleepy kisses, toothless grins, cheek biting, drool wiping, heart fluttering giggly laughter. Happy 7 months, my Ayden Hood. I couldn't be a happier mom ♥

seven sloppy kisses,
your momma bear

Someone loves his rainbow pool...

2011-11-07T08:21:00.001-08:00

What an awesome way to spend a Monday ;)

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Aidil adha.

2011-11-06T00:44:00.001-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha!

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa, Yasir and Ayden

Some Saturday Sweetness.

2011-11-04T19:31:00.000-07:00

Things have been crazy over here in my world, what with me being sick, and...wait for it...us moving back into my mom's place. Yep. More on that in a later post. Anywhoodle, here are some things to perk up your Saturday morning!

I love this song. Everytime I listen to it I feel like donning a cute polka dot dress, slapping on some red lipstick and sipping on a vanilla milkshake while I tap my toes to the music.

The rest of the stuff I found are all from Modcloth. Hello, OBSESSED with that site. This is probably the cutest clutch I have ever come across:

A couple of coffee table books that I would kill to have in my house (details below are all from Modcloth):

Whether they're Crocs, Docs, or Birkenstocks, the look and style of these noteworthy shoes is universally recognizable. In our own Book of the Month pick for your collection of fashion-focused literature, you can see the 50 most iconic and influential shoes across many eras, from the 1830s to the present. Illustrated with full-color photographs paired with descriptive profiles for each shoe and its designer, this hardcover book by the Design Museum celebrates the prominence of footwear in the culture of contemporary design, from plimsolls to platforms and pumps!

In this highly entertaining paperback "textbook," author Derek Blasberg, a frequent contributor to both Vogue magazine and Style.com, offers "exceptional advice for the extremely modern lady." In contrast, Blasberg outlines the many "don'ts" of unladylike behavior, including how not to dress for formal events, what to avoid doing as a party hostess, and the worst way to approach airplane travel.

This book, penned by Pamela Keogh, is a primer for those who look for an Audrey-inspired life, whether it be in lessons of love, style, the home, or generosity.

And last but not least, here's a cool book every Star Wars fan should have on their coffee table.

Did I tell you they have the ridiculously cutest vintage inspired and genuine vintage dresses? Yep, that they do. I am literally drooling over here. Drool, drool drool.

Alright, off for a shower I go! Have a good weekend everyone!

Sloppy Saturday kisses,

'Aainaa

2011-11-01T03:13:00.000-07:00

I can finally muster a little strength to sit here at this computer and type a few measly paragraphs. On Saturday I felt a slow fever creep up on me (Ayden was sick two days before and Yasir was sick on Friday and Saturday) so I was doing whatever I could to stop myself from falling ill - gulps of Redoxon, Vitamin E etc) but on Sunday it was my turn to be completely useless. And it hit me-hard. It started out with a scratch in my throat and quickly turned into a full blown out fever. As soon as I fell ill I knew I wouldn't want to be near Ayden because he had just recovered from his fever. So I watched helplessly as he would cry out to me wanting me, and my heart would break into a million pieces because I couldn't be there for him.

On Monday I was so weak I could barely walk for two seconds without spots clouding my vision. Today I coughed up 'something' in my throat until I gasped and gasped for air because it felt like someone had zipped up my airway passage, like how you would simply zip up a suitcase. That was a scary experience. I tumbled out of bed, into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water with shaky hands as I tried hard to draw in some breaths in a raspy, screechy manner. Beads of sweat formed everywhere on my body and face. My maids panicked and called Yasir while I collapsed onto the kitchen floor. Kak Su who was holding Ayden kept on repeating "Mama sakit Ayden, mama sakit Ayden.." in the kitchen in the flurry of panic. Tears automatically ran down my face. It's scary when you're struggling to catch your breath like that. I continued to screech in a desparate act to inhale some air, any air. Everything was happening in slow motion. In my mind I imagined what would happen if I still couldn't breathe. Someone would call the ambulance. Will I get there in time? Of course I was mostly being overdramatic. But when your lungs are suffocating you tend to get overdramatic. Then I caught a glimpse of Ayden's face from the corner of my eye. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be fine for my son. I finally could breathe. Nenek took me into her room and rubbed vicks all over me till my neck burned. I felt much better. While I lay there on her bed Bibik brought Ayden into the room. I watched him coo at Datuk and I smiled weakly despite the drama that happened five minutes ago. Now I know the fierce depth of a mother's love. Nothing matters but your family, your son, your children. Your health is for your child first, then you second. Your life is for your child first, then you second. You hear it in songs, in books and in poetry, but till the day you experience it yourself you will never really begin to comprehend this depth.

Such is the power of a mother's love-it breathes air into your lungs when you're suffocating. It gives you strength when you're weak. It makes you live.

Love,
'Aainaa

My Saturday morning.

2011-10-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

The pic above refuses to rotate for some strange reason. Oh well!

Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

My beautiful mama.

2011-10-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

Have a good weekend everyone!

Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Our new camera.

2011-10-28T05:02:00.001-07:00

Just some photos of us trying out our Sony NEX-C3...

Can you believe my maid took these pics? That woman is multi-talented!

Moyang Hood gets a photo with his cicit Ayden Hood too.

Best purchase EVER. Watch this space.

Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

p/s: I swear to you I was not wearing a STITCH of makeup in these photos (just got out of the shower, so that explains the wet hair). I actually look human. Again, say it with me - BEST. PURCHASE. EVER! haha

Our really (really!) short vacay.

2011-10-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

We went from what we thought would be a relaxing, two-night getaway, just the two of us...

And rushed back home after one night away, to this:

Worth it? Totally.

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

A fab frame.

2011-10-12T00:11:00.001-07:00

Saw this frame in someone's blog and fell in love. Hard. Three things which make this the PERFECT frame for my apartment:

1) I am a sucker for black-and-white stripes

2) I am a sucker for chevron stripes

3) I am sucker for anything distressed

How did this seller know all my weaknesses?? Creeepy.

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Thought of the day.

2011-10-10T21:05:00.000-07:00

You knew I was in labour. Mama texted you on your phone and told you I was about to deliver, and to pray that everything goes smoothly.

And as usual, silence. As always.

Do you know you have a grandson? An adorable baby boy who makes everyone around him laugh with his infectious grin? Do you have any idea that your grandson just turned 6 months old today?

Maybe you do, but you don't really care.

As always.

That pregnant glow.

2011-10-10T03:42:00.000-07:00

I was looking through old photos (yes I seem to be looking through old photos a lot lately for some strange reason) and came across my pregnant pics. I still can't believe that Ayden was inside my belly that whole time! I remember people telling me I looked 'glowy' then, and I didn't really see it. But now I do. What I'm trying to say is, pregnant women have this light about them. A glow that can't be achieved with the best luminizer or bronzer. Maybe it's because they're carrying life inside them, and because they are strong physically and mentally. For me, I found pregnancy to be tiring (and that was without having to trudge myself to the office! so hats off to the women who worked 9 to 5!) but such a wonderful experience. The feeling of your unborn baby kicking you and moving. The love that grows day by day for someone you haven't even

met...it's one of the most beautiful things a woman can go through.

So here's to pregnant women everywhere. There's a reason God made women the way we were - He knows we're strong enough to withstand the physical pain, yet have a heart gentle enough to do it all over again.

Oh, Yasir gets his picture here because he should get some credit for putting up with a cranky, whiny pregnant woman for nine months, too! Haha.

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

2011-10-09T01:07:00.001-07:00

I am 'internet challenged' once again. I am typing furiously at my cousin's computer as we speak. Hmmm, maybe my neighbour reads my blog and has decided to put an end to my leeching haha. The lack of updates could also be due to the fact that I have been extra caught up at work, and Yasir and I went on a short getaway to Terengganu (don't ask - there was a deal on Groupon!) which was supposed to be two nights, but we ended up going back home after one night away from Ayden. One night. And I'm not to blame, because Yasir was the one who was acting all whiny about missing the baby bear, so we up and left the place faster than you can say 'Tasik Kenyir'. So yes, it was a very very short getaway. I think I spent more time driving to and from the place, than at the actual resort.

I actually snapped a few random pics while we were on vacay, and wanted to upload them but lo and behold, no connection. I will upload those random pics sometime this week, I wheeeeeeel! Speaking of random photos, random thought - where's my ASOS swimsuit?? It ain't here yet and I'm dying to give it a whirl! Come on swimsuit, be delivered already! GOD. Ok, gotta go. Baby bear needs momma bear!

Love,
'Aainaa

Our black and white wedding reception.

2011-10-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

Yasir's in PD for the weekend and I was looking through our black and white reception photos just because I miss him and I wanted to reminisce our lovely night as newlyweds. These are some of my favourite photos of the night. Between my walk down the aisle towards Yasir who greeted me with a peck on the cheek, my bestfriends and cousins (and sister!) singing their hearts out on stage and my wheelchair bound datuk getting to merenjis us (had to hold back the ugly cry during that one!), the night will always hold a special place in this old heart of mine.

sloppy kisses, 'Aainaa

p/s: view more of our wedding pics in all their big sized glory at kudegraphy's website :)

Being a parent.

2011-10-01T06:34:00.000-07:00

Here are some things that happen when you have a baby:

- the sound of fireworks and mercun near your house is no longer a cause of excitement. Instead you find yourself cringing at every loud ass crackle and pop, while glancing nervously at your sleeping baby, praying to god that he or she doesn't jolt from their slumber. Because if they did wake up, that would mean that all that rocking and shushing them to sleep would have been in vain and you'd have to do it all friggin' over again. You muster everything you have to not go around the neighbourhood to find the source of all the rip roaring racket, banging down their door with screaming baby in tow and shouting "YOU DID THIS TO MY BABY!!! NOW YOU PUT HIM BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN!!"

- your 5-month-old baby's clothes outnumber the clothes you have collected for the past 28 years of your life.

- you find yourself checking out every single baby you come across. Especially when your baby isn't with you - because every infant you see will remind you of your son. At your company's event. At the LRT station while you're on your way home. At the side of some random street when you're driving. You miss your own even more with every baby you spot. And that's a lot of babies!

- that sesame street song your baby listens to about oh, just a billion times a day, is stuck in your head allllll day long. And you catch yourself singing it in the car, when you're alone, on the way to work.

- you feel like you are some sort of superhero when your baby looks at you with 'that look' that tells you you mean the world to him.

- you are oh so tired, yet so deliriously happy.

- you can't remember what life was like before baby. Your days take on a whole new different meaning now. No more parties, full nights of sleep, catching up on tv shows while you bum around and do nothing. Now it's baby, baby, baby. And you wouldn't want it any other way.

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Why Do Fools Fall In Love

2011-09-30T17:32:00.000-07:00

Best song when you're brushing your teeth, getting ready to go out for breakfast on a Saturday morning.

Also when you're dancing around your room like a lunatic and your 5 month old baby boy is looking at you like you've lost your mind, before bursting out in gleeful laughter ;)

Happy Saturday everyone!

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Because promises are not meant to be broken...

2011-09-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

...here's the link to the wedding that I was talking about. Gorgeous bride. Dashing groom. Stunning black and white wedding. Go on over already!

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

p/s: and while we're on the topic of weddings, this wedding video made me all sappy. Someone pass the Kleenex!

pp/s: alright, let's just milk this wedding topic, shall we - vintage engagement rings are so charming, don't you think? This one's my dream ring. Le sigh.

Look who's back!

2011-09-30T06:56:00.000-07:00

Hello lovers!

Looks like someone has settled their internet bill, about time! haha man I'm such an ass. Anywhoo, I am currently feeling very tired, because I walked from my workplace to the LRT (which to me, is super far, but yes I may just be exaggerating as usual, though this time I really think I'm not, I swear), got home, played with my baby bear, took a shower, played with baby bear again, gulped down some stuff which was supposed to be dinner, put baby bear to sleep (which entails me rocking him senseless until he arrives safely to destination dreamland) and finally putting my feet up. At 10pm. Whew! *wipes imaginary sweat off forehead*

So I've been wanting to bring Ayden swimming for some time now, because I read that the later you put off bringing your baby swimming, the more likely they will grow up fearing the pool or the ocean. Or the lake. Etc etc. I was a water baby if I say so mahself, there was nothing I loved more than to swim swim swimmmmm! And I'm hoping that Ayden develops a love for swimming too. But I'm a bit torn as to where in the world should I take him. I mean, let's face it, we all know that public pools ain't exactly the cleanest of all places. And the thought of him splashing about or even accidentally swallowing some of that water irks me to no end. Plus I read that the water shouldn't be too cold because the baby wouldn't enjoy it. So we are at a dilemma on finding the perfect pool - clean and not too cold. I hope we find this magical place soon!

Another dilemma, though a minor one, was what the heck am I going to wear! Bikinis are a big no no at this point, my flabby tummy is nowhere near ready to say hello to the world. So yes, the answer is obvious - a one piece. And I'm actually pretty excited, because I've been wanting to get myself one of those retro looking swimsuits. So after clicking here and there, oohing and aahing at some gorgeous designs, I bought myself a simple, pin-up inspired one piece at ASOS:

They have it in black too, but I thought that Rust Orange would look cuter when I bring Ayden swimming. Maybe I'll find him orange swimmers too haha.

Here's to hoping this swimsuit actually fits me and that we find THE pool!

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

A brief hello.

2011-09-25T22:55:00.000-07:00

I have resorted to updating my blog via blackberry because we are internet challenged at home. Ok fine, we have been stealing our neighbour's wifi connection and it seems like they have not yet paid their bill. Yes, we are internet sucking leeches - but only because I am still at my mom's! Hmmm, that was supposed to make everything sound better but it's doing the complete opposite haha.

It feels like something is missing when I don't get to blog. Like I'm leaving an old friend hanging and she's like "What's up! What's new??" and all I'm doing is blatantly ignoring her. The poor girl. Anyway, I don't really like typing from my bb because it can get completely annoying, so I'll just hope my neighbours decide to pay their bill so I can continue leeching. Not so proud of myself at the moment *cue big cheesy grin*

Oh before I forget, ayden is going through this 'I'm picky about who gets to touch me, let alone hold me' phase. I know that babies do go through this eventually, but Yasir's parents are finding it hard to even be near him without him acting all whiny, because he doesn't see them everyday. We do go to their house every weekend, but I guess he only wants people he sees every single day. I suppose when Yasir's mom retires next month we will drop him off there more often. He is definitely going through a phase. Wonder how long these phases last though.

Okay, I've typed from my bb long enough! Bummed that I don't get to share this link of a gorrrgeous wedding that I found online! Soon, I promise. Maybe I should send my neighbour a note..

Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Monday links.

2011-09-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

Just a few links to perk up your Monday morning:

- I didn't know the phrase 'a diamond in the rough' had so many meanings. Check out number 6 and 7. I almost snorted my morning coffee out of my nose. Warning: it's a tad bit vulgar, but a little vulgarity never hurt nobody!

- Yasir and I looked at this lomo camera yesterday in Sungei Wang. It's so friggin cute, like a camera Barbie would use in Barbieland. I. Need. One. Don't ask me why, I just do. Yepp.

- Ahh, proposals. Here are 50 romantic ways to get her to say "YES! YES!!"

- I've been wanting to buy yellow nailpolish for a while now (this post and this post from one of my fav fashion bloggers made me want to give it a whirl). I tried some on in Sephora and am kicking myself for not getting it the other day! As Arnold puts it wisely, I'll be bakkkk.

- This vintage sapphire ring is so darling.

- This hilarious joke will make you think twice before blaming the dog (or cat!)

- I've been searching forever for a necklace I can wear everyday, which would go with everything. A personalised name necklace is of course, so Carrie Bradshaw and so fab. Get yours here. (<--my bad, there was an error with the link previously, but it's all fixed and good to go now!) I'm certainly considering it!

Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Have no fear

2011-09-16T17:46:00.000-07:00

This song brings me back to the whole experience of bringing Ayden into the world...the labour, the delivery...it gives me chills. I had this on my playlist while I was in labour and it strikes a chord everytime I hear it again. I was writing the final part of the delivery last night with this song playing and was so close to tears, remembering everything that happened. God's power, the capabilities of a human body and the deepness of a mother's strength, all rolled into one. It's life changing.

love,

'Aainaa

Baby love.

2011-09-16T04:37:00.000-07:00

Mucking about with Ayden and taking pictures with Yasir's camera phone. Baby bear is loving his new onesie, and we are extra careful that he doesn't drool on it!

Oh Ayden, I love you baby bear. Always and always.

love,

your momma bear

The Delivery Part III

2011-09-15T23:56:00.000-07:00

"Okay, when I say push, push hard until I count till ten. Then take a deep breath and push again," Dr Paul instructed me. "Ok, ok." I nodded nervously. The nurses (can't remember how many nurses there were in the labour room with me, but I think there were two) told me to put both my legs up on the stirrups and hold on to the handles that were on both sides of the bed. I guess there was no need to cut my fingernails after all, I thought to myself, slightly amused. I had cut my nails yesterday because I had pictured myself squeezing Yasir's hands hard as I pushed, and I didn't want to hurt him while I did so.

"Ok 'Aainaa, ready.....take a deep breath and... PUSH!!"

I beared down with all my might. I pushed and pushed and pushed. But somehow, in that moment I had no idea what I was supposed to be pushing. I couldn't feel my baby's head because of the epidural, so I was pushing blindly.

"..nine, ten. Take a deep breath...and...PUSH!! Push macam marah!! Push macam marah Aainaa!!" one of the nurses ordered.

All I could hear was myself screaming silently as I pushed and Yasir saying over and over again, "You can do it sayang. You can do it sayang," encouraging me.

Finally after a couple of pushes it seemed as if nothing seemed to be progressing. The baby
wasn't budging and I was really, really, really tired. But I wasn't going to give up. I've got to get this baby out to make sure he's safe. I've just got to, I thought to myself, determined. I'd never wanted anything more in my whole life.

"Aainaa, I need to do an episiotomy. You'll feel some pain when I cut you, but I need you not to jump when you feel it. Okay?" said Dr. Paul to me. I nodded. At that point I didn't care about anything else. I just wanted to see my baby.

"Take a deep breath...and...PUSH!!!"

I pushed with everything I had. Every fibre in my body was focused on delivering my baby boy, mind, body and soul. Dr. Paul was performing the episiotomy and it felt like he was tugging hard down there, till the lower half of my body shook from the force of what he was doing. Had I not been so in tuned with wanting to deliver my baby, I would have freaked out with what was going on. I felt like I was in a movie which I didn't want to watch. Yet, I shoved everything out of my mind and was a hundred percent present on getting my baby out.

Finally, I felt my baby's head. I could feel him down there!! It was such a surreal feeling, but I knew what and where exactly I had to push now.

With a renewed surge of energy, and with everyone's encouragement, I beared down again and could feel my baby coming out of me. Everything happened so fast then, and the next thing I knew, my son was sitting on me.

He was so beautiful. He wasn't purple or wrinkly or weird looking at all. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my whole life. He was ours. I cried. And I cried and I cried. I felt an overwhelming wave of joy, relief and exhaustion wash over me, all at once. It was unlike anything I've ever felt before. After the endless labour, the fever and the heartbeat scare, I had pushed my baby out and he was fine! "Sayang, that's Ayden! That's Ayden! Thats our son!" Yasir said, his voice choked with emotion. "You did it sayang. I'm so proud of you." he kissed my forehead.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from Ayden for a second, even as he was being weighed by the nurse, or cleaned up. Even as I felt Dr. Paul press down on my stomach to deliver my placenta, or as he stitched me up down there. I just stared at him with tears running down my cheeks. Yasir held Ayden, who was crying the most gentle and sweetest cry then, and started to recite the call to prayer softly in his right ear. The most amazing thing happened. Ayden stopped crying and looked up at Yasir with those big, round eyes. He looked at Yasir so intently the whole time Yasir did the recitation, not a peep out of him. He seemed so calm.

Then, the nurse placed Ayden onto my chest and everyone left Yasir and me in the labour room to soak in the fact that we were now, parents. Ayden moved slightly on my chest and instantly I recognised that movement that I had been feeling for months, inside my belly. He was finally here, with me, and it felt too good to be true.

"So you're the one who's been in my tummy all along," I whispered to this magical boy. My heart was filled with so much love, it was surreal. I had only laid eyes for him for such a short while and yet I already loved him so fiercely. I was a mom. Yasir was a father. We were parents to the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Alhamdulillah syukur. God had given us something so precious.

After Yasir and I finally came down from cloud nine, we got a nurse to snap a picture of Ayden right then and there in the labour room, so spanking brand new and shiny, all bundled up:

He looked like a little eskimo! Finally, after nine months of waiting, our son was here with us and we were our own little family. Just the three of us.

Our little Ayden Hood bin Ahmad Yasir :) Our whole life.

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Old is gold.

2011-09-15T19:58:00.000-07:00

Lazing about in bed with baby bear and the husband, with Ella Fitzgerald playing. Little moments like these are what makes my mornings absolutely perfect.

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

p/s: I'll be uploading my favourite 'lazy' songs every saturday in this blog. just spreading a little love for the classics!

Mission.

2011-09-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we're not getting the Missoni for Bugaboo stroller because The Hubster thinks it ridic for us to splash out that much on a thing to push our baby around in (boooo!), so my next mission is to get a camera. A proper camera! It's sad that most of the pics I have of Ayden are all taken by Yasir or my camera phone, and it's definitely not enough. WE NEED A CAMERA. PRONTO.

So my knowledge on cameras is super crappy, and I've been asking around on what type of camera shoots like a dslr but is not gigantor in size like a dslr. I've gotten some suggestions and will start having a looksee this weekend. One of my colleagues suggested a digital lomo...they sure are cute aren't they? I know they're not exactly proper cameras, more if you want to just have fun mucking around, but some of the images I've looked at that have been lomo produced are pretty darn awesome. Maybe I'll get a proper camera AND a lomo if I'm feeling generous. Anything to capture Ayden in the best light possible, right?

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

p/s: New camera = lovely pics = more pics on this blog! No more random pics from google! haha. Fingers crossed.

Eeeek!

2011-09-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

Remember this post about the totally cute onesie? I received it in the mail today from the lovely seller, Monika (turns out that her son's name is Aiden!) and I can't wait for Ayden to wear it tomorrow when we go for my cousin's openhouse! Talk about perfect timing! I'll be sure to snap photos of him in it and upload them on the blog soon. This day is making out to be an awesome day! In case you missed the link to the shop, here it is.

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Babywearing.

2011-09-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan. I'm lucky that Ayden loves being carried around in a sling or a carrier (but I won't let him sit in the baby bjorn for more than half an hour because he gets antsy after a while). I use the sling to put him to sleep everyday when I come home from work. I get to carry him close to me, with his head against my chest, as I sing softly to him while kissing his forehead and rocking him to snoozeland. It's such an intimate bonding moment between the both of us, that I really don't mind carrying him till he dozes off, most of the times still in my working attire, no matter how tired I am. I just love watching his eyelids droop heavily, and his mouth slightly open as he drifts off to the world of Carebears and My Little Ponies (what else do babies dream about?). Sometimes while I'm singing him to sleep, he'll stare at me and smile, which makes my heart flutter everytime.

Once, while at a raya openhouse, I was wearing Ayden, and one of my uncles said to me with a smile, "It's not everyday you see a modern, young woman wearing a traditional sling!" and I thought he was exactly right. I rarely see mothers wear their babies in a sling around here, and the ones that I have come across were usually the maids and their charger's baby. I suppose it hasn't really caught on amongst the KL moms. My cousin Farah, who is an urban chick just like me, used to love wearing her babygirl Maya in a sling when she was smaller. I bet she got glances her way when she was out and about wearing Maya, too.

Anyway, as long as you practice safe babywearing, I highly recommend it. It's such a great way to carry your baby and apparently helps to foster a bond between the both of you, too. Score! Not sure how long Ayden will love being in the sling much longer though, although there are ways you can carry an older baby or even a toddler in the sling if you know how.

Now all I've got to do is find a way to get Yasir to wear Ayden too...

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

p/s: here's a babywearing styleathon contest that was going on months ago. These stylish mommas rock the hell out of babywearing! So inspiring!

The Star article

2011-09-12T00:41:00.000-07:00

Here's the article that came out in The Star the weekend before raya. It was past Ayden's bedtime, but it was as if he knew my friend would be coming to take pics, and he was a total sweetheart, acting like a good little boy while my friend snapped away. Enjoy :)

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

I need this.

2011-09-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

This is how I need my hair to look like. I have a wavy hair texture so this cut might just be the ticket to looking decent and human, even without a blowdry. That's it, haircut this weekend!!

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Ayden updates.

2011-09-11T18:16:00.000-07:00

Baby bear just turned 5 months yesterday! Five! Oh man, he is growing every second at lightning speed. Sometimes I can't wait for him to grow up and be able to have a conversation with him, but other times I feel a pang of sadness when I imagine him becoming an independent young man and going out into the big, bad world and making his mark. Okay, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. Haha. Anyway, here are some of the things he is doing right now:

- rolling over. He knows how to roll over, but not to roll back onto his back yet. Often times he'll roll over in his sleep, lift his head and do a sleepy cry, wondering how in the world did he get in that position!

- his "mama"s are pretty much clear and it is the sweetest sound to me, even when he is crying. I do a great impersonation of his "mammamammaaaaa" when he's whining.

- he can lick and bite his feet! A skill that never fails to amaze me. So bendy.

- sometimes, he'll reach for your mouth and clasp it shut when you're talking. Not sure if he's trying to tell you something...

- he has obvious face recognition. He'll smile the widest, gummiest smile to his favourite people!

- he is still trying to eat everything.

- he doesn't like sucking a pacifier, but uses it as a teether. He'll hold it to his mouth and literally chew on the teat.

- pulling on mommy's hair is his favourite hobby.

- he loves watching Babytv while drinking milk on the couch, lying down.

- he takes after his momma because he seems to have a keen interest in animals! Pet stores, animals on tv, cats at home..he'll stare and stare for the longest time. A vet in the making?

- he still wakes up a couple of times a night. Oh boy.

- his favourite video is still Will.I.Am's What I Am on Sesame Street. Never gets old. He also likes Bruno Mars' Lazy Song. Something about the dancing monkeys in wayfarers...

- he can sit up, leaning against the couch without assistance for a minute. Or even more!

- his laughter is getting clearer. There's this sweet little video of him laughing while my bro-in-law sniffs his cheeks, but we can't seem to be able to upload it :(

To 'celebrate' his 5th month, Yasir and I got him some pretty sweet stuff for him to use - Sophiethe giraffe and a bumbo. Not so sweet on our pockets though, because quality baby stuff cost an arm and a leg around here! All I can say is, the little dude better put them to use!

Hope everyone has a good Monday!

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

p/s: sorry for the crappy spacing issues, I tried fixing it but it won't budge. Oh well.

Oof.

2011-09-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

I promised that I'd write part III of The Delivery, but my grandaunt passed away and things have been pretty hectic, so I apologise for not keeping to my word. I'll find the time. I will!

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Feels so good.

2011-09-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

The press release I wrote is in today's The Star newspaper! It may sound like something so insignificant to some, but when it's your first press release, to actually be published seems like a big deal! haha. Almost right up there with the feeling I get when I see Ayden first thing in the morning and he flashes me that wide, cheeky smile of his. Almost.

Happy Friday everyone! I'm ecstatic that it's the weekend so I get to spend some quality time with my little guy. I've been missing him all week..

I plan to update my blog with Part III of The Delivery this weekend. I'll try and find the time between sniffing Ayden's cheeks and snuggling him senseless ;)

Sloppy Friday kisses!
'Aainaa

Vintage buys of the week.

2011-09-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I like me a charming vintage dress. But lately I find that I have been wearing the same 'ol things because of the lack of 'new old things' to wear. Also because all my clothes are back in our apartment because *cough* wearestilllivingatmygrandparents'/mom'seversinceIgavebirth *cough*

Anyway, Vintage Biri-Biri has quite a good collection of lovely vintage dresses (I featured them when I was working in female magazine back in the day), and I couldn't resist this nautical, stripey number and this beautiful mural print dress when I laid eyes on them. Can you really blame me?

sloppy vintage kisses,
'Aainaa

p/s: My blog posts have become somewhat irregular now (sometimes once a day, twice a day, sometimes once in three days), so if you would like an update sent to your inbox instead of checking and coming back to the same old post, feel free to subscribe. There must be a button around here somewhere...

Interesting.

2011-09-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

- cstring
- juicy couture diaper bag
- gstrings
- aainaa ribena blogspot
- 9 weeks fetus ultrasound
- beautiful arabic man
- crochet monokini cosmopolitan
- disney baby clothes
- dyed pubic hair

Just some of the keywords which have led people to my blog. I knew I shouldn't have written that post about the c string!

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

You know you love sushi when...

2011-09-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

...you want to dress your baby as one for Halloween. Ayden in a sushi costume? I. Could. Just. Eat. Him. Up! Extra wasabi and soy sauce please!

Check out the other hilariously too cute for words costumes. Thinking of dressing your baby as a chocolate chip cookie this Halloween? Well, now you can.

Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

p/s: I hope everyone can see the links I've posted above, not too sure if they're obvious or too vague..

A hairy issue.

2011-09-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

I think, no I know, that I am slowly but surely going bald in certain areas of my scalp. My hair is literally falling out in clumps. Wake up, clumps on my pillow. Tie my hair, clumps. Untie my hair, clumps. Shampoo hair, MAJOR super duper clumps. Gently towel dry my hair, clumps. Run fingers through hair, clumps. Watch tv with Ayden, clumps. Go shopping at Pavilion and watch Conan the Barbarian, clumps. And on it goes. Random quick thought - 'clumps' is such a weird word. And we're back. So everyone knows that after you have a baby, that beautiful thick (albeit a little frizzy) mane you acquired during your pregnancy will make way for lovely bald spots. It comes with the baby fat on your thighs that will not go away, sort of like a package - a Super Combo Post Preggo Deal. I actually took a photo of a shampoo clump and posted it on fb...thought it was too shocking not to share. Didn't get any comments, except for my sister wondering why it was still sitting there on the toilet floor...

Anyway, I am trying out this hair tonic called Audace by recommendation. My hair is still dropping like flies onto floors, pillowcases, tops and Ayden. Poor boy has had his share of strands in mouth. Not entirely my fault, though, the little dude loves grabbing a handful of my mane and tugging. HARD. Of course, he is the only one who finds this amusing.

I think I need to switch to hardcore olive oil. Or was it coconut oil? Any advice on what works before I seriously consider going all ghetto up in 'ere and getting a weave?

Sloppy clumpy kisses,
'Aainaa

I've always known.

2011-09-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

I was going through my old posts and this post from February of 2009 caught my attention. Fastforward two years and two months later, and number 20 actually came true. He's at home right now, probably watching Babytv on Astro, or sleeping.. :)

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

P/s: I still shave my legs in the car.

I'm not an impractical person, but....

2011-09-05T00:34:00.000-07:00

..for this (Missoni for Bugaboo) stroller, I say HELL YEAH! Plus, if I get this stroller, there's a high possibility we'll be using it for Ayden's future siblings. Can I go ahead and say it's an investment? Haha.

Months of zero shopping so I can save up for one...will I be able to do it??

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Wedding fever

2011-09-04T18:40:00.000-07:00

Just a few wedding related links which are just too great not to share:

- Okay, Christina Hendricks' wedding was ages ago. But in case you missed it, this pic of her and her bridal party is so vintage fabulous it's ridiculous, I keep on coming back to it again and again. So freakin' gorgeous.

- I love anything related to Summer Finn's wardrobe in 500 Days of Summer. This wedding dress in this shade of blue would be perfect for her, don't you think? And while we're at it, this wedding cake would be great too!

- Can I have a second wedding so I can serve these DIY popsicles at my solemnisation ceremony? How great would they look in photos??

- I've always loved a romantic backyard wedding. But what I'm really looking at is at this gorgeous bride's lacey tiered wedding gown!

- This wedding is so quirky yet stunning, I'm speechless. And check out her bridesmaids' dresses. So, so pretty!

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Ayden in his cat suit!

2011-09-04T05:19:00.000-07:00

Best get up for snuggle time!

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

The delivery Part II

2011-09-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

"My water broke!" I cried urgently in the dark to Yasir, who was sound asleep on the couch next to me at 5am. Water continued spilling out onto the sheets, soaking my gown. It was ongoing, a steady, free flowing gush. It took me a few cries before Yasir finally stirred in his sleep. "Sayang! Wake up! My water broke!" I cried exasperatedly for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Water? No thanks.." mumbled Yasir. I almost laughed hysterically.

"I'm not offering you water lah! MY water broke!!" I half laughed and half screamed. Finally, it registered on Yasir's mind what I was trying to tell him and he found the 'call for nurse' button on the remote next to him. Within seconds the nurse came into the room, and we told her my water broke, so two nurses fetched me the wheelchair and said they were going to wheel me into the labour room pronto. They helped me onto the wheelchair, all the while liquid still gushing out in between my legs and spilling onto the floor. I don't know why, but I apologised profusely to the nurses, feeling a little embarrassed that I was causing such a mess and they responded warmly, "Takpe..biasalah tu," with a smile on their faces.

Once in the labour room, one of the nurses handed me a fresh gown and said I could change out of my drenched gown. So I went to the toilet in a dreamlike state, took off my old gown and saw the light blood stains on them, feeling a bit irked by the sight. Changed into a new gown and felt more comfortable, but as soon as I got onto the bed, I started leaking again. I wondered when my water would run out. And another thought that crossed my mind was Ayden and if he was okay without all that water to cushion him anymore. The nurse told me to try and get some rest, while we wait for me to further dilate. Yasir got out his laptop and put on the 'Labour of love' playlist I had prepared earlier to help me relax. It did help a bit, as soothing songs from Sade, Corinne Bailey Rae and Billie Holiday filled the labour room, as I breathed through my contractions that seemed to intensify with each minute. They were very uncomfortable but still bearable at that point. But because I'd heard of stories of women who asked for their epidural too late, I wanted to get it done and over with because I had made up my mind beforehand that I was going to get through my labour as comfortable as I possibly could.

Around 7am as my contractions got more and more intense, we finally called for my epidural. A female doctor came into the room and made me sign what looked like an agreement, to acknowledge the risks that came with agreeing to an epidural. I skimmed through the sheet of paper, trying not to freak myself out, all the while praying to God for everything to go well, glancing nervously as the nurses set up everything for my epidural. After signing the agreement, the doctor explained to me the procedure, step by step. I sat up on the bed, gown open at the back, clutching a pillow. "I need you to hunch to the front, let your body hang limply, so I can find a nice spot for the needle. I need you to relax, okay 'Aainaa," she instructed me firmly, but in a kind tone. At that point I was still experiencing pretty intense contractions, and with every 'peak', what was left of my amniotic fluid still gushed out in between my legs. Relax Aainaa, relax, I repeated to myself in my mind over and over, struggling a little to do so.

"Okay, I'm going to insert the needle now, you will feel a pinch, but I need you to stay still and try not to make any sudden moves when you feel it."

Here we go. I felt a slight sting as the needle went in, all the while reminding myself to hunch over. The needle going in was a bearable pain, but feeling the the tube (or whatever it was) going through my spine caused me to flinch, as my body automatically 'jumped' from the sensation. Yasir was a good distraction to me the whole time, because I focused on him. Finally, it was done. I breathed a sigh of relief. Thinking that I could finally relax, a nurse began setting up another tube. "What's that for?" I asked nervously. "Ni in case you need to kencing, because you can't go to the toilet," she answered.

Ohmygod, that tube was going into my pee hole.

Having a tube shoved into your you-know-where is NOT a pleasant experience. In my opinion, it felt worse than having the epidural. It wasn't about the pain, it was just the most uncomfortable, ngilu feeling. I clenched Yasir's hand and grit my teeth throughout the whole thing.

After that was over, I laid back onto my bed and felt the contractions become milder and milder. "Rest, sayang. Get some sleep," Yasir said to me. He closed the curtains and I felt myself drifting in and out of sleep.

Honestly, throughout the rest of my labour, I cannot remember how many times a nurse came in to check how far along I was dilated. I lost count at one point. And every single time I was checked, I found myself tensing up more and more as different fingers shoved deep inside me and felt for the baby's head and the opening of my cervix. And with every 'check', I felt frustrated because I had barely made progress. I was dilating so, so slowly. It took me a good few hours just to dilate a centimeter. By afternoon, I was only dilated around 4 centimeters. I prayed that my labour would speed up, reaching for Ayden's onezie every now and then. Hang on little guy, I'm going to see you soon, I channeled my thoughts to Ayden.

The hours rolled by as I drifted in and out of consciousness, and my contractions started to intensify, even with epidural. My family had gathered outside the labour room by 4pm, thinking I would be delivering any minute. Friends bbm-ed me asking if I was in labour. It was a flurry of nurses coming in and out, checking to see how far along I was, and me getting disappointed every single time. With every hour that passed by, my body and mind started feeling more and more tired. Yasir was so lovely, barely leaving my side. My mother accompanied me most of the time too, and I knew my family members were outside supporting me and giving me courage.

Close to 7pm, I was around 8cm dilated. I thought to myself, I was induced at 8pm the previous day, and here I am almost a day later, still in labour. Ya Allah... But by then, that was the least of my worries. I started developing a fever then. A nurse came in and gave me a shot of antibiotics through the drip on my hand, which was unexpectedly super painful. By then, I felt like I was a science experiment as I was poked and prodded, all the while with ongoing contractions for what seemed like an ETERNITY. I just want to hold my baby, please God let this all be over soon, I prayed.

Then my doctor, Dr Paul dropped a bomb on me. He looked at Ayden's heartbeat on the monitor and had this worried look on his face. "Aainaa, because you have a fever, your baby is developing a fever too. His heartbeat isn't looking good." he explained seriously, and all I could hear was 'fever', 'heartbeat not looking good' over and over, while he continued to say something about Ayden being at risk from catching pneumonia. Pneumonia.

This has got to be a nightmare. I felt the panic rising in my chest, as my tired mind wrapped around the fact the fact that Ayden's heartbeat was slowing down. That was the last thing any mother in labour needed to hear. God, I just want him to be okay. I just want my baby boy to be safe. Please God please, I pleaded silently. Somehow I calmed myself down because I knew stressing myself out would make things worse for Ayden. Dr. Paul checked my opening again and said I was dilated 9cm, and that Ayden's head was "just there".

"Aainaa, we've got to get your baby delivered now, we can't wait any longer because of his heartbeat. We'll try pushing normally, with episiotomy and vacuum. If not, we have no choice but to get him out by a c-section," said Dr. Paul. I just managed to nod, and saw the nurses get everything ready for Ayden, taking out a weighing scale and other tools for the delivery.

The moment I had been waiting for, for the past nine months had finally arrived - it was time to push.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

I'm such a doofus (link to The Delivery part 1)

2011-09-02T00:21:00.000-07:00

I wrote this post a while back, thinking I would publish it later. So I've just gone and published it, but now it's stuck waaay behind my older posts. And because I'm soo technologically illiterate, I can't for the life of me figure out how to get this post to 'jump' to the front. So here's the link instead. It's about my delivery experience (well, the first quarter of it), so it took me awhile to write about it, because I didn't want to rush into things. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone, but it was such a personal, life changing experience that I had to 'ease' into it. Anyway, click the link to read :)

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

If I could rob a store, this would be it.

2011-09-01T20:23:00.000-07:00

Seriously.

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Ayden's first raya.

2011-09-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

Going house hopping with a 4 month old baby in tow is no easy feat. But Ayden surprised me and surpassed my expectations (as he always does!) because he behaved like an angel and 'socialised' well with relatives and anyone who wanted to hold him or coo at him. Of course there were the occasional crying whimpers, but only to signal if he needed to be fed or was sleepy. Which, is why I think the baby sling is a GODSEND. Whenever he felt like he was overstimulated or had enough of being fussed over, I'd whip out the sling, put him in and he'd start zoning out because he'd feel safe in his own little cocoon...and give or take a few minutes, he'd fall asleep in my arms. Minus the strain it puts on my left arm after a while, I love when this happens, every single time :)

Here are some photos of him when he's wide awake (the sling makes an appearance in a lot of our raya pics, which aren't here):

First day of raya, in his Superman getup, complete with red cape at the back!

Watching The Glee Project at Maine's!

Darling Maine was kind enough to change Ayden's diaper too. What an awesome hostess ;)

Maine's mum with Ayden!

Ayden checking out a vid of himself on Yasir's phone

Random silliness before my sis flies back to Vevey this Sunday

All in all, what an awesome Raya!

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

2011-08-27T02:46:00.000-07:00

Ayden and I would like to wish all of you Selamat Hari Raya! :) Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Random things I think my house needs.

2011-08-26T00:24:00.000-07:00

1. These scrabble cushions. Because I like spelling what I'd like to do on my bed. And while we're at it, my couch needs this too. Helps Ayden become a good speller too! Kills two birds with one stone doesn't it?

2. This antique white bookcase. We still don't have a bookcase in our apartment yet, and it is killing me!

3. Crazy fun coasters. Because every house needs coasters which aren't plasticky and flowery. My fav picks here (will sure to delight Twilight fans!) and here.

4. Maybe if I had this on my kitchen wall I'd feel like cooking. And we will never run out of milk, bread and eggs...

Have a good weekend everyone!

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Hello, my name is Ayden.

2011-08-25T23:50:00.000-07:00

I want to squeeze Ayden into this:

It is definitely a sign that the seller decided to use the name Aiden as her display pic. All we need is to change the 'i' to a 'y'.

Now, where's that credit card of mine...

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Delivery gown? Really?

2011-08-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my last post was about random stuff I think I need. While we're on the subject - apparently, you can now buy your own delivery gown. This just goes to show that people will make money from ANYTHING. My delivery gown from Prince Court was a hospital standard soft, peachy pink colour (I remember my mom commenting on how pretty the colour was, oddly enough). Give or take a few hours and that nice, soft pink became another less appealing shade as it was slowly but surely drenched with bodily fluids. And no gown, no matter how gorgeous would make me look lovely as I huffed and puffed in the labour room, wild hair pancaked to my sweaty head, face red from pushing. You know that scene in the movie where the woman is screaming, face scrunched up, legs in the air, while everyone yells at her to "PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!! PUSH MACAM MARAH!!! MARAH AAINAA MARAH!!" That was me, except that it would be a Malay movie. Now imagine throwing this gown into that image I just painted.

Kourtney Kardashian should have worn one of these though, because her delivery experience was obviously supernaturally easy (and damn her for making me believe that mine would be the same!!). Kourtney, you would have looked lovely in this. Just sayin'.

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Random things I think I need.

2011-08-25T02:41:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of random stuff which I have been checking out and having to hold myself back from whipping out the credit card (yes, I now have a CREDIT CARD, I feel so grown up) so I can spend shamelessly. I will admit that this list is made up mostly of clothes for me and things for Ayden. In no particular order:

1. This rad navajo cardigan. Love, love, love.

2. While we're on the topic of cover ups, here's another gorgeous draped jacket. Butterflies on a jacket. How do I not own one of these??

3. This vintage chanel brooch would go with everything I wear to work.

4. The search for the perfect denim jacket is still on. This looks pretty good.

5. I am SERIOUSLY considering purchasing this giraffe teether for Ayden online. He is obviously going through a teething stage, gnawing on everything and anything in sight, including my fingers, his fingers and my hair. And this teether has really good reviews too!

6. This onesie cracks me up. Rock on, baby!

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

We are going to be in The Star this Sunday!

2011-08-25T01:15:00.000-07:00

My friend Iwan from The Star rang me up a few days ago and told me he wanted to feature my family for an article in The Star, about raya-ing in the city instead of balik kampung. Since I've been a city girl all my life, this was right up my alley :) It'll be in the mstar section, as the article's in malay. Ayden makes an appearance as well! heheh. It's pretty cool that I'll have something to keep and show him when he's all grown up!

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

These almost made me pee in my pants!

2011-08-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

Just a few links to brighten up your Thursday! These two are HILARIOUS:

Why having a toddler is like being at a frat party - be sure to read the comments as well!

Crappy laws of parenting

...and this last link will make you shiver in your boots, eeek:

Shark pic

Enjoy!

Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Au Revoir ridiculously high heels!

2011-08-18T04:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone knows this, but I love my 5 inch high heels as much as Victoria Beckham loves a good fake tan and being skinny. Pre-pregnancy, I was all 5 inch heels any time of the day, anywhere - even going to my bathroom, if I felt like it. Exaggerating just a tad. Just.

So during my pregnancy, of course I took a break from anything that lifted me off more than 0.5cm off the ground, to avoid being pregnant roadkill. I lived in flats and my Havaianas. To put it simply, I was NOT a Rachel Zoe. Fast forward nine months later post delivery, I was looking forward to rocking my massive heels again.

Not happening.

My feet are just not having it. It's like they've gone to mommyhood-land and do not want to come back. If my feet were alive, they would be wearing mom jeans and driving minivans. The first time I put on heels was 2 months after giving birth, on the way to a job interview. I nonchalantly slipped on my trusty old pair of black stilettos (after dusting off what looked like a small city of moss) without so much as a thought, attempting to pick up from where I left off. A few shaky steps later, I almost fell face forward. I wobbled like J-lo's ass would wobble on a treadmill. It felt WEIRD. I swear I saw some disapproving glances from onlookers practically thinking aloud "Eh kalau tak reti pakai tinggi-tinggi toksahlah pakai oii". And after a few minutes of clunking about in my heels, my feet HURT LIKE A MOTHER. Pun intended. I mean, when I'm out with Ayden I can kiss my high heels buhbye because it seems almost absurd that I would totter about in anything more than an inch high, because if he's not in his stroller, I am carrying him. And the boy ain't light, let me tell you.

Right, second attempt at wearing heels - bought a nifty pair with a shorter heel (around 3 inches or so) for work, telling myself I could work it, no problem. I mean, if I could endure 23 hours of labour and pop a baby out of me, I'm sure I could get the hang of heels again, right?? Wore them to work, and by 3pm all I felt like doing was hurling the mother effers out the window. I didn't care if they're all patent and delicious looking and look like louboutin replicas - those heels will cause some serious injuries, people! They are a hazard! They will kill you! Seriously, how in the world did I manage back then?? How did I master the act of walking for HOURS in four inch heels without so much as flinching?! Ugh.

Something tells me that I will never be able to re-master this skill. My 5 inch heels that I received for my hantaran (never got a chance to wear them because I got pregnant, like a second after the wedding) will still be collecting dust at the back of my wardrobe. Or the only time I'll likely whip out anything more than a 3 inch heel will be when I know I'll be spending most of the outing sitting down. Like to a wedding or something. Or to raya openhouses, when I'll only wobble to a house and back to my car. Better than nothing right?

There goes my fooling everyone into thinking I'm model height when I'm actually not. Damn.

Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

cough cough

2011-08-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

Excuse the cobwebs that have been building up. Feels good to be back, but my posts might come fewer or more frequently from now on - whenever I have the time to blog, I will jump at the chance. Just a couple of updates on what's goin' down in this life of mine:

- I have a job. I am officially a working mom now, it has been 3 weeks since I last left the world of lounging around in my jammies and kissing Ayden throughout the day. Now I only get to kiss him in the morning before I dash out the door, and late in the evening when I get back from work. He is usually at his cranky best around 8pm onwards, but I muster every strength I have at the end of a long work day and put him to sleep. No matter HOW cranky.

- I am still overweight. I still have 10kgs left to go, and I am SERIOUSLY thinking of going to the gym everyday after work or before work, since my new company has a gym. First I'll need to get myself some shoes for this. And some cute work out gear, maybe.

- My sweet sour bear of a boy has just turned 4 months old. Man, do they grow up fast. He is now always saying "mammamama" which sounds like mama, although we all know he is most likely not calling for me, it still sounds like music to my ears. He also bites his bottom lip a lot, can sit up well (with assistance) and likes to look at cats. The other day, I took him to Aquaria and he spent a good hour and a half (minus the 10 minutes he was asleep in his stroller), looking at all the big fishies and little fishies. Oh, he is also now bald. Well, he was bald when we shaved all his hair off after his aqiqah, but now it has grown back into a sort of crew cut. But the funny thing is, he has this bald stripe all around his head, and people have asked me if I shaved his head that way on purpose. Why in the world would I do something like that, people?? hahah.

-I miss Ayden everyday that I am at work. Big surprise.

- I want these sunglasses.

That is all. For now :)

sloppy, working momma kisses xx

My sweet baby boy is 3 months old!

2011-07-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

Three months of boundless, heart-bursting, cheek-kissing joy.

You're my home. I love you, baby.

Ayden the attention seeker!

2011-07-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Getting smooches from the laydees at my cousin Diyana's nikah last Sunday! What a ladies man ;)

I apologise.

2011-06-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

okay, I'm pretty sure I've lost a lot of my usual readers when I made this blog private in April. Some of you were friendly enough to actually e-mail me or message me on facebook requesting for an invite, and I was pretty much an a-hole because I didn't reply most of the messages I received. But trust me, I was pleasantly surprised and touched that silent readers I didn't know existed came up to me (well, sort of), wishing me well for my delivery and wanting to see Ayden. I was honestly, very touched. But I guess during the first month after my delivery, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to reply messages or e-mails, let alone start blogging. So unfortunately, I left most of the messages hanging, wanting to reply, but never getting around to it. For this, I apologise profusely. I must seem like a snooty ass person, when I'm far from one! haha. But trust me when I say I appreciate every single reader who takes the time to tell me they enjoy reading my blog. Because it's you guys that make me want to write and update (else where's the fun in writing to yourself eh?).

So to those who messaged me or emailed me, I'm sorry if it seemed like I ignored your messages. You lovely readers are the sole reason my blog isn't private right now :) It's awesome enough, knowing that there are people out there who enjoy my mundane blog posts! For you people, i'll keep on posting random stuff! ;)

sloppy kisses,

'Aainaa

Conversations with my stomach Part II

2011-06-28T04:34:00.000-07:00

Me: Hey again.

Stomach: Wassup.

Me: So..I'm really really thankful that you carried Ayden around for nine months and kept him safe. I know it ain't easy...

Stomach: No sweat, dude.

Me: ...I mean, all that stretching and all...

Stomach: Yep.

Me: Yeahhh. Thanks for that....

*awkward pause*

Me: Anyway, don't know if you've realised this but...we're not pregnant anymore.

Stomach: Ahuh.

Me: So could you do me a teeny tiny favour and go back to how you were, you know, before you got all big and stretchy? Not looking like you're around four months preggers and stuff? I mean last thing I need right now is people thinking Ayden's getting a sibling. Already. Heh heh. *awkward laugh*

Stomach: Sorry kiddo, no can do.

Me: Just a ease up a little on the flab and the bloating, that's all...

Stomach: Nahhh.

Me: Sigh. Guess I can't have everything can I?

Stomach: Nope.

Me: Salmon sushi?

Stomach: Nope.

Me: I tried.

Woke up this morning to this face.

2011-06-28T04:27:00.000-07:00

I swear, this boy makes me grin like an idiot everytime!

xxx

Next To You

2011-06-26T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not a Justin Bieber fan, but Yasir says this song is for me...and I think it's really sweet and the lyrics are pretty powerful.

Happy Monday people! :)

sloppy kisses.

Gah.

2011-06-26T05:16:00.000-07:00

My weight has decided to rest comfortably at 63kgs. 63. Awesome.

Fine, i'm partly, no mostly to blame because I have yet to start exercising my butt off. I blame all those times I ordered two desserts at Delicious when I was pregnant, or used being preggers as an excuse to stuff my face every five friggin' seconds. Padan muka, Aainaa!

Went 'shopping' at Sungei Wang yesterday to find an outfit for my cousin's hen night because I can't fit into 99.9% of my old clothes and am still sadly wearing outfits I wore when I was pregnant. If I could talk to my old 50kg body again, I would apologise for taking it forgranted - all those times I would whine about my thighs looking slightly sausage-y, or when I couldn't fit into a size 6 jeans. I miss looking at the cutesy clothes in Sungei Wang, grabbing whatever tickled my fancy without thinking twice, trying them on at home and actually FITTING into them. Now, it's more of ohmygod these clothes are so tiny. My arms would look fat in this. What a cute outfit but no way in hell is my ass getting into THAT.

LE SIGH.

I will lose this weight. Even if it takes forever. This ass will fit into a size 8 pair of jeans again, if it's the last thing I do!!!!

Just chillin'!

2011-06-26T04:43:00.001-07:00

I have become 'word lazy', so I'll post pics of Ayden to distract y'all instead!

Ayden hanging out with his 4-year-old Uncle Rayyan. Methinks he needs a cousin closer to his age. Wink wink.

Kakak, you reading this??

Fav pic of the week.

2011-06-26T04:16:00.000-07:00

I'd like to think that Ayden's trying to show us his favourite number, instead of maybe attempting to pick his nose. haha. Also, his hair is getting too long so it flattens out into a nerdy hairstyle!

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

xxx

Ayden oh Ayden!

2011-06-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

From carrying you around for nine months and dreaming of meeting you...

...to finally having you in my arms.

How did I get so lucky? :)

Happy Father's Day, love.

2011-06-18T23:36:00.001-07:00

To the best father I know. I may not say it everyday, but I appreciate every little sacrifice you make - working till (very!) late, running errands, spending your hard earned money to stock up on baby supplies instead of that new game that just came out, waking up to change Ayden's diaper at 3am even when you have work the next day - just to name a few.

I am so proud of the role model and father you are to Ayden, the loving husband you are to me and the man you've become.

Happy Father's Day sayang. You've come a long way :)

The delivery.

2011-06-18T21:59:00.000-07:00

I've been putting this post off for awhile now, but I'd like to reminisce everything that happened, before my scatterbrain self forgets everything. It was such a lengthy experience, so I'll have to break down what happened into different posts, so I don't just rush into everything. Plus a little cliffhanger adds a little suspense, don't you think?

Okay, here we go.

I was in my 39th week and Yasir and I decided to have me induced. Apparently Ayden was already 3.39kgs then and to lessen the risk of having to go through a c-section from him being too big, we decided it was best to do so. So off we went to Prince Court Medical Centre on the evening of April 10th 2011. I was nervous, but I also felt like I was in a half daze. I was a tad bit in denial about the fact that I would be pushing a baby out of me - really, how do you mentally prepare yourself for that?

So we checked into a single room, with my mother accompanying us. I even managed to skype with kakak and Dicky after I had changed into the hospital gown. A nurse came in and told me that she was going to start the induction at 8pm by inserting a pill called Cervidil. 8pm, it all starts, I remember bracing myself. I watched the clock on the wall like a hawk, nervous about what was going to unfold, but reassuring myself that everything would be fine. I even got out Ayden's onezie and placed it by my pillow to remind myself that soon I would be meeting my son.

Yasir's parents came by around 7pm. I remained calm and cool, chatting with my in-laws despite induction just being an hour away. Finally, 8pm rolled around. The nurse came into the room and everyone waited outside leaving only me and Yasir. The nurse was lovely, she explained that she was going to push the pill deep inside my uterus so it may get a tad bit uncomfortable. She told me to relax so it wouldn't hurt. I held Yasir's hand and looked at him the whole time she got 'all up in there' and inserted the pill. It wasn't so bad, I thought after she had finished, breathing a sigh of relief. Uncomfortable, sure, but not as bad as i had imagined. The nurse told me another nurse will come to check me at 2am to see if I had dilated, and if I hadn't, another Cervidil would be inserted.

I was instructed to lay still for about half an hour so the pill won't fall out should I get up and walk. So I laid in the hospital bed as my in-laws came back into the room, resuming our chit-chat. After we exchanged hugs and they wished me well, my in-laws left and I walked around the hospital to help speed up the labour process. I was feeling very mild contractions but nothing major. Finally, my mom and Yasir said it was best I conserve my energy and rest in bed, so we went back to the room.

Around 2am a nurse came in to check if I was dilated. To put it simply, this 'checking process' involves her shoving her fingers waaaaay up in my vagina and feeling around. I found myself struggling to relax a little, this time. You're 1cm dilated, she told me. 1cm. I guess it's better than nothing, I thought. I'll dilate faster after this, I'm sure, I told myself. She inserted another Cervidil and told me to get some rest.

So we switched off all the lights and Yasir and my mom settled in for the night. Of course, I was far from sleepy. My contractions started getting pretty intense then, and I breathed through each 'wave' in the dark as I reached for Yasir's hand beside me and gripped it tightly. Finally, around 5am, I felt something 'pop' and water started gushing out in between my legs and onto the bed. It was certainly weird, feeling like you were peeing without the ability to stop. In the dark, as water spilled onto the sheets, I said loudly to Yasir, "Sayang! My water broke! My water broke!"

TO BE CONTINUED.

Sloppy kisses,

Aainaa

It's been a while.

2011-06-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

As I attempt to resume blogging again, I can't help but feel overwhelmed. Because so much has happened in such a small amount of time.

Let's just say, life for me, has changed.

I have a sweet baby boy who makes my heart sing just by smiling at me. And everytime I look at him, I still can't believe he's mine.

Ayden, a few weeks old.

Of course, it hasn't all been smooth sailing. There were days when I was so tired and frustrated, I would literally feel like tearing my hair out. The first month was especially tough. I hadn't gotten enough sleep since my last night at the hospital, my stitches were aching, my back still sore from the epidural and best of all, my fingers were numb from carpal tunnel syndrome. I was seriously sleep deprived and running on pure adrenaline. Breastfeeding a demanding baby

boy made my breasts so sore and sometimes excruciatingly painful. Ayden would wake up sometimes as often as every hour in the wee hours of the morning, and would barely sleep during the day, so sleep to me seemed like something of the past. Ayden made it worse when he would scream like he was being beaten during every diaper change, and I was doing everything in my power not to get upset from seeing him upset. Babies cry, that's what they do, I would remind myself. And yet with every wail coming out from his tiny little body I felt my tired body and mind getting even more tired.

Man, it was tough.

His short nap during the day

No one really prepares you for how tough being a new parent can get. Everyone talks about the rainbow. No one tells you about the rain. You're unprepared on how overwhelming and new it all is, when you're so tired you can barely care for yourself, yet you have to muster every energy you have in your aching body to care for a tiny little thing. And this 'tiny little thing' will demand every second of your attention, every minute of every hour, everyday.

I suppose it was extra hard for me because I didn't get much help caring for Ayden. Some people have extra hands to help take care of their baby as they catch up on some much needed rest and sleep, but I barely had time to myself. I was trapped within the four walls of the upstairs bedroom in my grandparents' house during my confinement. I couldn't go downstairs because that was part of the rules of the confinement period - strictly no walking up and down any stairs. I had no tv, no internet access, all I had was my blackberry. My mother was still working during the day, Yasir would also be at work, and my maid had house chores to do. So when you're left alone to care for a baby that demands your attention 24/7 while your body is screaming for some rest, you feel like you're hanging on your last thread of sanity. There was no such thing as 'you' time. Showers lasted for five seconds, and meals were barely finished as you gulp down your food because your baby was stirring in his sleep, ready for feeding time. All that keeps you sane is knowing that you have a son to care for and the unconditional love that already exists, despite how hard it got.

Then sometime during this challenging first month, something magical happened. Ayden cracked his first smile! It was one of those nights in his early weeks when he couldn't sleep and was keeping me up at every hour, which seemed like most nights, of course. I was in the midst of changing his diaper for what seemed like the millionth time, my eyes barely open. He looked at me. I looked at him. And somewhere between me slapping on some diaper rash cream and him crying his eyes out, he smiled widely at me. I swear, my heart stopped. It was such a genuine smile, the kind that takes your breath away. I let out a squeal of delight, and all the tiredness that had wrapped itself around my body disappeared. All those sleepless days and nights forgotten. Just like that.

Ayden at 2 months

Now, my little baby boy is two months old as of June 11th, 2011 and is so generous with his cheeky smiles :). He's a bright little thing, already showing so much of his personality - cheeky, outspoken and funny. He's always trying to 'speak' to us - he'll make sounds and the cutest expressions (sometimes at 4am while you're struggling to stay awake!) and you can hold a conversation with him as he responds to what you say with his 'baby speak'. You can see him studying your mouth as you talk as he drinks it all in, his eyes filled with fascination on how it all works. He loves watching Sesame Street on youtube (he can never tear his eyes away from Will.I.Am's What I am video particularly) and laughs a silent laugh, his mouth wide open and his eyes crinkled up, though lately some giggly sounds have been coming out of that tiny little mouth of his!

A blurry photo of Ayden laughing :)

He sleeps for longer during the night now, his bedtime around 9pm and waking up twice throughout the night - a nice break compared to every hour during his first month.

Us watching How I Met Your Mother on tv!

He has taken a liking to watching tv, I'd prop him up in his bouncer and he could spend a good half hour with his eyes just glued to the screen. I also love propping him up against my knees, I'd sing to him and talk to him about anything and everything under the sun and more often than not, he'd let out squeals of delight in between his 'baby speak', seemingly understanding every word I'm saying. He has vivid dreams too, sometimes bursting with laughter out of nowhere, then resumes sleeping.

And when he looks at you with what seems like pure admiration in his eyes, you feel like you can slay any dragon that comes his way.

It's true what they say - nothing can be more challenging and rewarding than raising a child of your own. The feeling is one that's just impossible to describe. No one will make you feel so much. It's an out-of-this-world kind of happiness.

You never knew your heart could fill with this much love. It seems almost impossible, yet you feel it.

Ayden Hood, nothing makes me happier than knowing I'm spending the rest of my days with you in my life. You are certainly a gift - you have only been here for a little more than two months and already you've taught me so, so much. About patience, a love I have never known and myself. I am a whole different 'me' because of you. I hope I'm doing a good job as your mother, and know that I will never let any harm come your way. And seeing your father evolve into a responsible, hands-on dad amazes me day by day, too.

Nothing makes us both prouder than to have you as our son.

I love you, baby. More than anything in this whole wide world.

xxx

Nighties!

2011-03-18T04:24:00.000-07:00

Went to Ampang Point alone today to find me some cheapo, but reasonably cute nighties which unbutton at the front so it'll be easier for me to breastfeed. I scouted around at the outlet stores at first, but none of them actually had comfy cotton nighties with buttons at the front! I did come across some pretty cute pyjama pants and t-shirts, but I didn't want to give up on my search for cotton nighties just yet, so I headed to Royel. Jackpot! My eyes lit up as soon as I saw the rack of sleepwear which met the criteria I had in mind. Cotton? Check. Decent length? Check! Buttons at the front for 'easy access'? Check! Cute? Check! Comfy? Hell yeah.

So I grabbed three - yellow polka dots, dark blue and white polka dots (dark colours are better for your stay in the hospital - should you 'stain', after delivery) and a festive floral patterned one. Mission accomplished.

Also bought some disposable undies, I'll be on the lookout for some cheap, comfy cotton ones tomorrow. My old ones are getting pretty tight. Boo.

Oh, came across this jewellry site with custom made pendants. So you can stamp your name, or your kids or hubster's. They've got some pretty cute designs, but I'm liking the simple 'initial' idea:

http://www.lisaleonardonline.com/teenie-tiny-initials-necklace-P100C8.aspx

So I would be wearing a 'Y' for Yasir and 'A' for Ayden around my neck :) Funnily enough, both letters are my initials, though I hardly use my full name.

Hope everyone has a good weekend! Wish me luck for my maternity shoot on Sunday!

Sloppy kisses xxx

Cheesy O's

2011-03-16T00:06:00.000-07:00

Yasir and I have a maternity shoot this weekend (I think)because a photographer friend of mine generously offered us the opportunity for a photo session with The Picture Company at One Utama. While I know this is definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity, I'm a bit worried because it's going to be in a studio, and I'm nervous the pics might turn out to look like your typical, cheesy maternity shoot, because there's not much to work with. It's definitely nothing against the photographer (I've seen The Picture Company's work and they're really good!), it's just that you can only do so much with a studio backdrop, you know?

A part of me is thinking, just go ahead and do the whole black and white, 'raw' feel sort of shoot, partly because I'm too lazy to think of anything else, but another side of me feels I need to think of a new 'angle' to the shoot so Yasir and I will have our stamp on it. I have a feeling I'll go with a basic studio shoot, but put enough 'twists' on it so it doesn't turn out looking like your average maternity pics. Or at least I hope!

Oh, here's a lil' something to brighten everyone's day - maternity shoots gone baaad. Haha

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/category/photos/pregnancy/

Enjoy!

Sloppy kisses.

Yasir is so cute.

2011-03-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

Last night while we were watching tv, the baby proceeded to stretch the right side of my stomach really 'high' (and I mean high!) a couple of times. So my husband put his hand on the 'stretched' area and stared at it in awe. Then after a few seconds of just staring at my belly, he looked up at me with this adorable, concerned look on his face and said, "Maybe dah sempit sangat for him in there. Kesian dia kan?"

You're so annoyingly cute sometimes, sayang.

So they say..

2011-03-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

"Talk to her and tell her how you feel."

There is no point because you have no say. Ever.

There is no such thing as two sides to a story. Your story is always wrong. That's how it has always been, and that's how it always will be.

Take it like a soldier.

2011-03-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Who cares if you're almost nine months pregnant? When you're being yelled at with a finger pointing you in the face, you're supposed to "SHUT UP!!" and listen. Ignore your baby who's furiously moving in your stomach as you try your best not to get stressed out. Swallow it whole. Keep it inside.

It's always your fault. You are always at fault, Aainaa. Even when you are quiet and all you want is for the yelling to stop, you are the one at fault. Remember that.

Dearest kakak.

2011-03-15T08:17:00.000-07:00

I hate admitting this, but I miss you 'having my back'. Please come home soon, because I think I'm going mental. If you know what I mean.

Love,
Your awesome sister

This just in!

2011-03-15T01:03:00.000-07:00

Ladies, Sephora kl is opening next month, AND stocking Nars! While I'm busy being 'confined' at home with my baby, I know where Yasir will be on a fine Saturday morning in April - rushing to Sephora to get me my Nars Highlighter in Albatross! Heh heh heh.

Don't say I didn't warn you sayang!

The wash.

2011-03-15T00:29:00.000-07:00

All this while, as I kept on telling myself that I'm going to have a baby, it never completely hit me - I constantly dream about my baby boy here in my arms, finally, and becoming a mom. I've even told my cats that soon they should be expecting a tiny little thing, and to be gentle with him. I read my old childhood books to him (he seems to like Mother Goose's Fairy Tale about The Ugly Duckling - one of my all time faves too) But whenever someone would ask me THE question : "How does it feel knowing you're going to be a mom soon?", I get an out-of-body experience, and feel like I'm leading someone else's life. Because when something is SO major, it takes a while for it to completely sink in.

But today, as I handed Ayden's pile of clothes to my maid so she could handwash them, I swear nothing has felt more real. He's coming. He really is! And I'll be here to welcome him with my arms as wide open as they will ever be.

:)

Aaaaaaack.

2011-03-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, panicking just a tad because there are still a few important stuff we need to get our hands on ASAP (this week!) so I won't feel so unprepared should the baby decide to 'pop' out next week:

- mattress for crib
- bedding
- tub
- breast pump
- nursing cover (so when ppl come to visit me, I don't have to flash them my boobs!)
- sleepsuits! (He seems to only have 2 of these)

By this weeeeeeeeek!

Xxx

Ticking 'timebomb'!

2011-03-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

I am feeling a tad bit antsy because in a matter of days I'll be in my 35th week and it's not out the ordinary for a woman to deliver in her 36th week. So by this week I'll need to get as much stuff prepared and ready as possible, just in case. This includes packing the hospital bag. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to bring, all I can think of for now are these:

- baby's onezies
- swaddle blanket
- booties, mitts
- kain batik (2 at least)
- maternity pads\extra long sanitary pads
- toiletries: soap, my cleanser, toothbrush etc
- surah yaasin
- t-shirt for me to wear with kain batik, or cotton nightie. Possibly nighties which unbutton at the front so I can breastfeed easily
- maternity bra
- a few breast pads just in case
- comfy, granny undies! Haha. Oh and disposable undies
- snacks
- camera!
- ipod (if I can borrow one from someone!) And yasir wants to borrow his friend's handheld game thingy.
- jumper and socks in case I get cold

Hmmmmm..can't really think of anything else at the moment...what else am I missing?

You know you love your man..

2011-03-13T22:46:00.000-07:00

...when you spend months and months looking over, scrutinising and trying to decide on the perfect diaper bag for yourself, but after coming across a 'football' diaper bag, you forget about everything else you've seen and decide in a matter of seconds to get that instead, just because you know it will make your man happy :)

My diaper bag can wait. Can't wait to see you bringing our son around, with the bag in tow sayang. I love you.

P\s: Thanks to my lovely cousins Aza (all the way in the states!) And Farah for making this happen! Big hugs and kisses! Xoxo

It's not about the shoes you wear,but how you wear 'em, darling.

Reading material.

Blog lurrve.

Hello, New York City!

Black and white.

My dearest Ayden.

updates coming your way :)

We're still here..

Blogless.

Come to mama.

Sunday.

Ayden is eight!

To my husband.

Cute weekend outfit.

Smell you later!

Gravity.

The name game.

Note to self.

Ayden's favourite Sesame Street video

Relief.

It's no fun.

To my baby boy.

Sunday brunch.

Baby you're so sweet you know you should've been some honey.

Ayden Hood is seven (months) on 11.11.11!

Someone loves his rainbow pool...

Aidil adha.

Some Saturday Sweetness.

My Saturday morning.

My beautiful mama.

Our new camera.

Our really (really!) short vacay.

A fab frame.

Thought of the day.

That pregnant glow.

Our black and white wedding reception.

Being a parent.

Why Do Fools Fall In Love

Because promises are not meant to be broken...

Look who's back!

A brief hello.

Monday links.

Have no fear

Baby love.

The Delivery Part III

Old is gold.

Mission.

Eeeek!

Babywearing.

The Star article

I need this.

Ayden updates.

Oof.

Feels so good.

Vintage buys of the week.

Interesting.

You know you love sushi when...

A hairy issue.

I've always known.

I'm not an impractical person, but....

Wedding fever

Ayden in his cat suit!

The delivery Part II

I'm such a doofus (link to The Delivery part 1)

If I could rob a store, this would be it.

Ayden's first raya.

Random things I think my house needs.

Hello, my name is Ayden.

Delivery gown? Really?

Random things I think I need.

We are going to be in The Star this Sunday!

These almost made me pee in my pants!

Au Revoir ridiculously high heels!

*cough* *cough*

My sweet baby boy is 3 months old!

Ayden the attention seeker!

I apologise.

Conversations with my stomach Part II

Woke up this morning to this face.

Next To You

cough cough