the unthinkable

Yesterday, I tendered in my resignation as the Beauty and Fashion Writer of female magazine. The old 'Aainaa, a year ago, would think me to be utterly insane and out of my mind. And maybe I am, just a little bit. But this 'Aainaa, while scared of what's going to happen, is thankful that she has experienced what she's always wanted to do since she was little, which was to write, and is now eager to move on and try different things.

It's definitely a giant leap to go from writing in a women's magazine about makeup and fashion, to standing in front of a class and teaching English. But if ever there was a leap of faith, this is definitely it.

I'm a Kak, hear me roar!!!

In slightly more than a week from now, I'll be 26. I guess I'll only freak out when I hit 40. For now, I'm cool being almost 26. What's interesting though, is that salespeople tend to call me "kak" now. Somehow within the past 1 year, I've graduated from a "dik" to a kak. This is a little bit depressing when I think about it, because obviously, I look older than I used to. Must start using anti-ageing. Anyway, everytime someone calls me Kak, I fight the urge to turn around and look behind me. I'm so used to people thinking I'm still studying, possibly in my early twenties. In Melbourne, someone actually thought I was fifteen. No joke. Of course at the time she was trying to sell something and me looking fifteen is complete utter bullshit, but I was pretty pleased.

Today, while I was out loaning, I think a total of 3 people called me "Kak". Honestly, i'm having mixed feelings to this newfound status. On one hand, I'm glad salespeople take me seriously now and think I have money to buy that Tiffany & Co necklace I'm drooling over in the glass display(even when I don't), but on the other hand, reality is hitting me hard in the ass and I realise by the beard of Zeus, I AM older than most salespeople now! I'm going to be in my Mid-twenties! It's like how Angelina Jolie was the hottest thing in Hollywood then, but now she's just.....old. Okay, maybe not such a good example, but you know what I mean.

So I vow to myself, as I turn 26 and hit my mid-twenties, that I will accept my newfound 'Kak' status with grace. Next time a salesgirl calls me Kak, I'm going to let it wash over me and embrace it. I, 'Aainaa, am officially a Kak, and proud of it. If I'm feeling especially 'Kak'-ish, I'll call the salesperson "Dik" too, might be fun.

If anything, it could be worse - at least I'm not a 'Makcik' yet. Now THAT'S a whole different story.

Pink.

Past week in a nutshell:

Datuk's 83rd birthday, rushed to buy cake (Chocolate indulgence mmmm) from Secret Recipe. Had a kecoh celebration at the house, ate a lot. Went to work the next day on a Sunday because of 50 Gorgeous shoot. Helped a guy put on contact lense for more than half-an-hour but didn't end up wearing coloured lenses in the end. Ran around like a headless chicken trying to pick outfits for the talents to wear and check on makeup and hair. Had a conversation with a model on how birth control pills made her boobs go two sizes up. Contemplated. Saw boobies. Contemplated again. Rushed back to the house after work, stuffed some clothes in paperbags and got into Yasir's car. Went to Shuq and Sharina's house. Shot video clip (not going to elaborate further, but it's not what you think), had satay. Slept on the way home, think I snored a little. Very tired. Monday morning picked Diyana up looking like a zombie, brought her to the office for Make Me Over shoot. Met Shu Uemura makeup artist, called Shirley from Shu Uemura to clarify the looks for October. Decided on the latest Fall collection - one colourful look, one nude bronze. Had my makeup done. Shot my Beauty Picks. Grumbled about looking fat. Return loans at Mid Valley. Returned and picked up loans from Pavilion. Butted heads with stupid NOSE store manager who was bloody rude and kept on huffing and puffing, felt like smacking her head BAIK PUNYER. Vowed to never loan from NOSE again. E-mailed PR person for NOSE and filed a complaint about bitch of a manager. Contemplated career. Shot out e-mails, e-mails, emails about loaning. Loans again. Got about two articles done. Product shoot. 50 gorgeous shoot again, another round of running around like a headless chicken. Freaked out about the amount of job bags not done. Shot out e-mails again for OBSESSIONS article, where the heck am i going to find nice travel bags?? Made a hundred thousand phone calls. Today, went to bangsar to return loans at Cats Whiskers, tea & Sympathy. Realised gossips loans are not in the car. FUCK. Made mental note to go to bangsar again tomorrow. Finally had Making Cookies Baskin Robbins ice cream. Sickly sweet, ugh. At yasir's office as we speak, replying work e-mails on a Saturday. Tried to change blog template to the one downloaded off another sight. Gave up and switched to boring pink template.

Tired.

hamming it up for the camera

Beauty Picks page, female's July issue. Taisu from Shu Uemura did my makeup - he's really good. The look was kept very natural and light. It's the body issue, so they put almost my whole body on the page, to go with the theme and the bodycare products I picked.

This shoot was for October's Beauty Picks and we used Shu Uemura again. The makeup artist, Anges, used this really cool turqouise gel eyeliner on my lids (click on the pic to zoom in on the eye makeup) which will be out around October too. Theme is sorta like....beach holiday easy breezy........hence the bikini and island printed dress. This pic will be cropped though to just come up to my chest.

The first time I had to take a photo for female magazine, man, I was really stiff. And my makeup was pretty horrible too. Think I've learned to loosen up a bit though, thank god. I suppose having a fan blowing in your face helps a bit. Haha. But it majorly sucks that the camera DOES put on ten friggin pounds. Now I know why models have to be stick thin!

Alright, I'm off to bed, night!

crybaby

As I'm writing this, I'm wiping away just a wee tiny tear (okay, maybe not soo tiny) from having watch a mother give birth on the Discovery Home and Health channel (733 for those of you who are clueless). Man, I'm such a sucker. What is it with me and feeling overwhelmed witnessing the moment a mother holds her newborn baby in her arms? I swear, I get choked up every single time. Even that friends episode where Rachel held her baby, I could feel this weird feeling in my chest! I suppose I get emotional, imagining what it must feel like to finally meet this creature that has been kicking around in your stomach for the past 9 months, knowing that you're solely responsible for this tiny little being's life from now on. The feeling must be too overwhelming and big for words, something you've never felt, or even come close to feeling before. Only at that very moment as you're holding your newborn baby, all sweaty and achy from pushing can you experience what other mothers have gone through...all the pain just melts away for an instant when you cradle YOUR baby in the nook of your arm and come to terms that you are indeed, now a mother. Wow, imagine what that must feel like...

Some people find it weird that I have such strong maternal instincts, considering that I have the tendency to look like your typical 'party girl'. Maybe one day, I might show my kids my 'party girl' pics and they might think their naggy and saggy ol' mom was quite hip back in the day and actually listen to me when I tell them they don't have to smoke or drink to have fun. I've got my line memorised down pat: "Tengok mama dulu, I didn't have to drink or smoke even if everyone around me was doing it! Mama tahu, your friends will be pressuring you to drink. You really don't have to give into peer pressure, people will respect your principles if you are adamant on standing by them!" Then this is when I give them the best advice "Besides, why spend money on alcohol and ciggs when you can shop, betul tak?? Common sense!"

sloppy kisses.

p/s: The boy on the Discovery Learning Channel promo on Astro (the one where it's a montage of kids - mostly girls from CBN for some strange reason) who says something about wanting to build a big house so his mother and father can live in it gets me...every. single. friggin. time. Sniff. Must be that time of the month again.

It's Aainaa, bitch

Sometimes I wonder why I have to keep other people's best interest at heart when they don't really bother about MY best interest? Wait, does 'best interest' mean 'jaga hati' in English? Hmmm. I may be talking about something different entirely. Whatever, all I know is, a lot of the times I feel like I should go all crazy and just be a total bitch, like how other people can just go all crazy and be total bitches. But no, because I don't want to hurt other people, I've decided to stay completely sane instead. Am I really too nice? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

p/s: Sorry about all the random, short posts. In an effort to update my blog in the midst of all the craziness, these short bursts will have to do for now. Better than nothing, right?

Chillin'

Four of my cats hanging out outside, as usual. Sorta looks like a boyband pic - you know, where the dudes are all just standing about trying to look cool. Our latest addition to the family, Mojo, is not photographed here. And Itit too. Oh well.

Random recent pic taken at Envie (a club which ACTUALLY plays RnB! Wow!) because I'm just being random.

Back to writing about hair!

Sloppy kissies.

tired.

i'm too tired to even think of a decent title to this blog post. I'm just.....tired. Fashion = tiring. Someone once asked me if I had a choice, would I stick to beauty or convert entirely to fashion? I have no idea. I like fashion, but it takes up too much time and energy. Gah. GAH! It's different if you work in Vogue and the fashion brands come to YOU. Okay, my fingers are tired from writing...was out loaning the whole day, carrying shopping bags.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Keep it simple, stupid

I was attracted to the opposite sex for the first time when I was two-years-old.

No, I don't think I'm exaggerating (or maybe I was two going on three? hmm), believe it or not - I remember having the hugest crush EVER on the son of this lady named Mrs. Burhan, who owned the nursery my parents used to send me to. In fact, I still remember his name, Najib. He was this yummy-looking boy with dark, curly hair and piercing eyes which penetrated the depths of my then two-year-old soul to the very core. Najib was my sister's age; two years older than I was and I felt inadequate and immature next to him. I mean, he was practically a man wasn't he? Everytime he passed by I would hide my milk bottle under my pillow (the nursery would let us lie down and suck on a bottle from time to time for feeding time). We used to watch cartoons together too, sometimes he would smile at me, but he never really fully acknowledged my existance. Whatever. I knew I had bigger fish to fry.

Then when I was four, I had my first 'sorta' boyfriend. My mom's best friend's son, Faizal. He was my age, so we were compatible, of course. I mean, we were on the same wavelength! Although come to think of it, I don't think we said anything to each other much. It was like a 'silent connection' sort of thing, you know? I was staying near the beach in Johor Bahru then and we used to go dating under some trees, while my mom and her bestfriend watched us, from like, 1 metre away. I saved my prettiest dresses for those 'dating under the tree' ocassions and giggled a lot. I think he even tried to hold my hand once. We went our seperate ways soon after, I guess it wasn't meant to be. Thank god, because last I heard, he's married with kids.

Ahh, kindergarten. This was the time when hormones raged and the opposite sex filled my mind 24/7 in between colouring and spelling lessons. Thoughts like 'Did he notice that I put a nice ribbon in my hair today?' and 'Why is he playing swings with that hussy?!' ran through my mind ocassionally when I was interested in someone in particular. Besides having to flush my packed-from-home lunchtime sandwiches down the toilet bowl on a daily basis, I had to deal with how I acted around 5-year-old boys. Life was tough, but I enjoyed every second. Especially when my crush used to follow me around the classroom and mimic every single thing I did. I used to just giggle and snort uncontrollably. I guess giggling was the only thing I used to do back then in front of a boy. Sure, we could have talked about other stuff, like how I thought my mom's strawberry jam sandwhiches were yucky or if he prefered the Orange Cod Liver Oil to the white one (orange!) or which pony in My Little Pony was the prettiest (Lickety Split, duh). But I stuck to giggling coyly. I was a flirty little thing back then, me.

High school was the toughest. I was painfully, painfully shy around boys. These were the years where I had yet to discover contact lenses so I had to wear glasses, yet was too vain to wear glasses so I would bump into things a lot, or ignore someone completely because I couldn't see that person, even if he or she was shouting my name and everyone would stop and stare but I would scuffle away hurriedly and act like I didn't hear anything. Going to an all-girls school made it worse. Boys were like alien creatures to me. I envied the girls in the bus who unbuttoned their baju kurungs and laughed with the boys at the back while I read my Sweet Valley books and kept my legs shut tightly just in case the boys could see anything up my pinafore skirt. Despite all this, I had my first boyfriend then. But it was more of a relationship over the phone, really. At least he used to buy me Famous Amos cookies and Big Macs and place them outside my gate, which was nice.

It was so simple and sweet back then. Then came the phases in my life involving the opposite sex where it gradually got complicated, intense and even more complicated at times, with my fair share of "omg what was I thinking? ugh!" experiences and moments. But at least after all the mumbo jumbo, ups and downs and "it's complicated" relationship statuses on Friendster and Myspace, you learn to appreciate a 'simple and sweet' relationship more when you actually find it again, don't you? And nothing feels better than when you finally get to click the 'In a relationship' button on facebook, hands down. :)

This is a happy post # god knows

I find myself extremely busy lately and haven't really had time to "stop and smell the roses". So these are the (some may find petty) things that make me happy:

- Skater doing his 'motorboat' purr just by me being near him

- Good cereal on the table in the morning (none of that dry, wheat-y stuff please)

- Room service when I'm staying at a hotel

- Karaoke nights. Must-warble songs: Killing me softly, Never find someone like you, Sexy love.

- Beating Dickie (my sister's annoying boyfriend) on Guitar Hero Medium EVERY SINGLE TIME! HAH!

- Maine deleting PP's text msg folder on her phone. This makes me VERY happy, actually

- Yasir helping me with my fashion loan returns. It's a lot of paper bagssssss

- Finally buying a fresh Clinique Superpowder Double Powder compact. Was scraping the bottom of the barrel (did i spell that right?) with the old one. I swear, the stuff lasts for years!

- Getting a blowdry at the salon and not having it rain the moment I step out (thank you God!)

- FINALLY having the time to update my blog.

Sloppy kisses!