My mom on meeting a husband

So this morning I was watching American Idol auditions (for some strange reason they weren't showing the usual re-run of Friends..damn you starworld! You have messed with the order of my universe!) and my mom walks in and hands me a plate, with some sort of leafy thing on it.

"Eat this. Cepat sikit jodoh," she orders.

I grunt and roll my eyes. "What is that thing?" I mumble.

"Sirih. Just eat it, and baca doa cepat jodoh. Mama jumpa ustaz semalam. Dia tolong baca," she says irritably.

I take the plate gingerly and look at the sirih, like it's some sort of voodoo thing and it will jump at me and bite me.

"Minum ni," she hands me a cup.

"What in the world is that pulak?" I ask incredulously.

"Minum and baca doa cepat jodoh. Dengar cakap mama!"

I take the cup and peek inside it. It looks like normal, clear water. Phew.

"Ok bye ma," I say, signalling my mom to leave me so I can watch a girl in a pink top and cowboy hat warble her heart out in front of Simon, Paula and Randy. I place the plate on my lap and am still holding the cup.

"Doa `Aainaa, doa! Cepat jodoh!" she says again.

I swear, if I hear the word 'cepat jodoh' one more time...I think to myself.

"Yes ma, I'll do it in a bit!" I look at her, annoyed. Finally after we exchange stares for what seemed like an hour of my life I'll never get back, she leaves.

I slowly pick up the leafy thing and nibble around the edges. Ok, not so bad, I can do this. I take a bigger bite, and hit the middle part. It felt like I had just swollen a chunk (if it had chunks) of Minyak Cap Kapak. I grab at the cup and gulp down what was in it, rush to the kitchen to grab a handful of cereal and shove it in my mouth to drown out the taste. NASTY NASTY NASTY!

Moral of story: Good ol' fashion networking is a better way to meet men rather than chew on nasty-as sirih. And if you already have a boyfriend, bug his ass so he proposes. This method may prove to be far more effective and doesn't require you frantically ransacking your fridge for something to mask the Minyak Cap Kapak taste which will probably take you a lifetime to forget *shudder.

If all else fails, have some gum at hand. Strong gum.