The Delivery Part III

"Okay, when I say push, push hard until I count till ten. Then take a deep breath and push again," Dr Paul instructed me. "Ok, ok." I nodded nervously. The nurses (can't remember how many nurses there were in the labour room with me, but I think there were two) told me to put both my legs up on the stirrups and hold on to the handles that were on both sides of the bed. I guess there was no need to cut my fingernails after all, I thought to myself, slightly amused. I had cut my nails yesterday because I had pictured myself squeezing Yasir's hands hard as I pushed, and I didn't want to hurt him while I did so.

"Ok 'Aainaa, ready.....take a deep breath and... PUSH!!"

I beared down with all my might. I pushed and pushed and pushed. But somehow, in that moment I had no idea what I was supposed to be pushing. I couldn't feel my baby's head because of the epidural, so I was pushing blindly.


"..nine, ten. Take a deep breath...and...PUSH!! Push macam marah!! Push macam marah Aainaa!!" one of the nurses ordered.


All I could hear was myself screaming silently as I pushed and Yasir saying over and over again, "You can do it sayang. You can do it sayang," encouraging me.


Finally after a couple of pushes it seemed as if nothing seemed to be progressing. The baby
wasn't budging and I was really, really, really tired. But I wasn't going to give up. I've got to get this baby out to make sure he's safe. I've just got to, I thought to myself, determined. I'd never wanted anything more in my whole life.


"Aainaa, I need to do an episiotomy. You'll feel some pain when I cut you, but I need you not to jump when you feel it. Okay?" said Dr. Paul to me. I nodded. At that point I didn't care about anything else. I just wanted to see my baby.


"Take a deep breath...and...PUSH!!!"

I pushed with everything I had. Every fibre in my body was focused on delivering my baby boy, mind, body and soul. Dr. Paul was performing the episiotomy and it felt like he was tugging hard down there, till the lower half of my body shook from the force of what he was doing. Had I not been so in tuned with wanting to deliver my baby, I would have freaked out with what was going on. I felt like I was in a movie which I didn't want to watch. Yet, I shoved everything out of my mind and was a hundred percent present on getting my baby out.


Finally, I felt my baby's head. I could feel him down there!! It was such a surreal feeling, but I knew what and where exactly I had to push now.

With a renewed surge of energy, and with everyone's encouragement, I beared down again and could feel my baby coming out of me. Everything happened so fast then, and the next thing I knew, my son was sitting on me.


He was so beautiful. He wasn't purple or wrinkly or weird looking at all. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my whole life. He was ours. I cried. And I cried and I cried. I felt an overwhelming wave of joy, relief and exhaustion wash over me, all at once. It was unlike anything I've ever felt before. After the endless labour, the fever and the heartbeat scare, I had pushed my baby out and he was fine! "Sayang, that's Ayden! That's Ayden! Thats our son!" Yasir said, his voice choked with emotion. "You did it sayang. I'm so proud of you." he kissed my forehead.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from Ayden for a second, even as he was being weighed by the nurse, or cleaned up. Even as I felt Dr. Paul press down on my stomach to deliver my placenta, or as he stitched me up down there. I just stared at him with tears running down my cheeks. Yasir held Ayden, who was crying the most gentle and sweetest cry then, and started to recite the call to prayer softly in his right ear. The most amazing thing happened. Ayden stopped crying and looked up at Yasir with those big, round eyes. He looked at Yasir so intently the whole time Yasir did the recitation, not a peep out of him. He seemed so calm.

Then, the nurse placed Ayden onto my chest and everyone left Yasir and me in the labour room to soak in the fact that we were now, parents. Ayden moved slightly on my chest and instantly I recognised that movement that I had been feeling for months, inside my belly. He was finally here, with me, and it felt too good to be true.


"So you're the one who's been in my tummy all along," I whispered to this magical boy. My heart was filled with so much love, it was surreal. I had only laid eyes for him for such a short while and yet I already loved him so fiercely. I was a mom. Yasir was a father. We were parents to the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Alhamdulillah syukur. God had given us something so precious.

After Yasir and I finally came down from cloud nine, we got a nurse to snap a picture of Ayden right then and there in the labour room, so spanking brand new and shiny, all bundled up:







He looked like a little eskimo! Finally, after nine months of waiting, our son was here with us and we were our own little family. Just the three of us.


Our little Ayden Hood bin Ahmad Yasir :) Our whole life.




sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa