Rest in peace Buffy

I miss you. May you be with your mom in heaven. I tried to save you...but god wants you near Him. You were so full of life, and that's how I will always, always remember you. I'm happy we had our last 'cuddle' two days before you left us; you were purring so loud, and I felt so content. I guess it's harder for me, because I took you in and gave you a loving home and thought I would see you grow up...but everything happens for a reason. Seeing your pictures in this blog makes it harder for me, but I'm not going to remove the post...I want to remember you exactly like that, playful and so loving.

I just miss you so much :(

I. NEED. A. BREATHER

I'm just so maxed out. I haven't gone on a holiday in ages. I can't go on a holiday because my workplace is so friggin rigid when it comes to things like these - I am currently looking for a new workplace. I still enjoy teaching, but I have to say...it IS tiring. I teach for 8 hours on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and finish at 7pm every single day. So many people are counting on you to show up on a daily basis, that you really don't have time to yourself. Teaching is not like having an office job...if you teach for 8 hours, you're 'on' for 8 hours. Talking, overseeing your students..class excercises. It's not like you can take ten minutes off to surf facebook and then resume teaching. You're 'present' body, mind, and soul for the whole of that 8 hours. Someone once said teaching is the most selfless job there is out there. I couldn't agree more. I show up to work even when I'm down with a fever, or having a terrible flu when I know I need to rest. Calling up the headmaster to ask for a day off because you're sick is a huge no-no. You HAVE to show up, unless your lying in your bed dying. Taking leave is not an option; unless you REALLY REALLY have to - going on a holiday? You must be joking.

I have to say though, that teaching IS a rewarding experience. Seeing the students you care about day after day, knowing that they're improving because of you...the job satisfaction is unreal. But right now, I'm barely getting any rest....I teach 8 hours during weekdays, and am busy running around getting all the wedding chores done during the weekend. Then it's back to work again. My body is screaming at me to slow down - I get stomach cramps where I can barely walk, I have insomnia...yesterday I didn't sleep a wink, and am having a fever right as we speak...and I was still contemplating whether to show up for work this morning. Cant remember the last time I went on medical leave. Called up the headmaster, Mr Seo, with trembling hands and told him I was sick. He mumbled something under his breath about "You can't do this...blablablabla". This is the man who won't even give all of our public holidays.

I need to get outta there.

I still want to teach...but maybe not as much as 8 hours a day. Part time maybe?