Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I apologise.

okay, I'm pretty sure I've lost a lot of my usual readers when I made this blog private in April. Some of you were friendly enough to actually e-mail me or message me on facebook requesting for an invite, and I was pretty much an a-hole because I didn't reply most of the messages I received. But trust me, I was pleasantly surprised and touched that silent readers I didn't know existed came up to me (well, sort of), wishing me well for my delivery and wanting to see Ayden. I was honestly, very touched. But I guess during the first month after my delivery, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to reply messages or e-mails, let alone start blogging. So unfortunately, I left most of the messages hanging, wanting to reply, but never getting around to it. For this, I apologise profusely. I must seem like a snooty ass person, when I'm far from one! haha. But trust me when I say I appreciate every single reader who takes the time to tell me they enjoy reading my blog. Because it's you guys that make me want to write and update (else where's the fun in writing to yourself eh?).

So to those who messaged me or emailed me, I'm sorry if it seemed like I ignored your messages. You lovely readers are the sole reason my blog isn't private right now :) It's awesome enough, knowing that there are people out there who enjoy my mundane blog posts! For you people, i'll keep on posting random stuff! ;)

sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

Conversations with my stomach Part II

Me: Hey again.

Stomach: Wassup.

Me: So..I'm really really thankful that you carried Ayden around for nine months and kept him safe. I know it ain't easy...

Stomach: No sweat, dude.

Me: ...I mean, all that stretching and all...

Stomach: Yep.

Me: Yeahhh. Thanks for that....

*awkward pause*

Me: Anyway, don't know if you've realised this but...we're not pregnant anymore.

Stomach: Ahuh.

Me: So could you do me a teeny tiny favour and go back to how you were, you know, before you got all big and stretchy? Not looking like you're around four months preggers and stuff? I mean last thing I need right now is people thinking Ayden's getting a sibling. Already. Heh heh. *awkward laugh*

Stomach: Sorry kiddo, no can do.

Me: Just a ease up a little on the flab and the bloating, that's all...

Stomach: Nahhh.

Me: Sigh. Guess I can't have everything can I?

Stomach: Nope.

Me: Salmon sushi?

Stomach: Nope.

Me: I tried.


Woke up this morning to this face.



I swear, this boy makes me grin like an idiot everytime!

xxx

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Next To You


I'm not a Justin Bieber fan, but Yasir says this song is for me...and I think it's really sweet and the lyrics are pretty powerful.

Happy Monday people! :)

sloppy kisses.

Gah.

My weight has decided to rest comfortably at 63kgs. 63. Awesome.

Fine, i'm partly, no mostly to blame because I have yet to start exercising my butt off. I blame all those times I ordered two desserts at Delicious when I was pregnant, or used being preggers as an excuse to stuff my face every five friggin' seconds. Padan muka, Aainaa!

Went 'shopping' at Sungei Wang yesterday to find an outfit for my cousin's hen night because I can't fit into 99.9% of my old clothes and am still sadly wearing outfits I wore when I was pregnant. If I could talk to my old 50kg body again, I would apologise for taking it forgranted - all those times I would whine about my thighs looking slightly sausage-y, or when I couldn't fit into a size 6 jeans. I miss looking at the cutesy clothes in Sungei Wang, grabbing whatever tickled my fancy without thinking twice, trying them on at home and actually FITTING into them. Now, it's more of ohmygod these clothes are so tiny. My arms would look fat in this. What a cute outfit but no way in hell is my ass getting into THAT.

LE SIGH.

I will lose this weight. Even if it takes forever. This ass will fit into a size 8 pair of jeans again, if it's the last thing I do!!!!

Just chillin'!


I have become 'word lazy', so I'll post pics of Ayden to distract y'all instead!

Ayden hanging out with his 4-year-old Uncle Rayyan. Methinks he needs a cousin closer to his age. Wink wink.

Kakak, you reading this??


Fav pic of the week.

I'd like to think that Ayden's trying to show us his favourite number, instead of maybe attempting to pick his nose. haha. Also, his hair is getting too long so it flattens out into a nerdy hairstyle!

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

xxx

Ayden oh Ayden!


From carrying you around for nine months and dreaming of meeting you...




...to finally having you in my arms.

How did I get so lucky? :)



Saturday, June 18, 2011

Happy Father's Day, love.


To the best father I know. I may not say it everyday, but I appreciate every little sacrifice you make - working till (very!) late, running errands, spending your hard earned money to stock up on baby supplies instead of that new game that just came out, waking up to change Ayden's diaper at 3am even when you have work the next day - just to name a few.

I am so proud of the role model and father you are to Ayden, the loving husband you are to me and the man you've become.

Happy Father's Day sayang. You've come a long way :)

The delivery.

I've been putting this post off for awhile now, but I'd like to reminisce everything that happened, before my scatterbrain self forgets everything. It was such a lengthy experience, so I'll have to break down what happened into different posts, so I don't just rush into everything. Plus a little cliffhanger adds a little suspense, don't you think?

Okay, here we go.



I was in my 39th week and Yasir and I decided to have me induced. Apparently Ayden was already 3.39kgs then and to lessen the risk of having to go through a c-section from him being too big, we decided it was best to do so. So off we went to Prince Court Medical Centre on the evening of April 10th 2011. I was nervous, but I also felt like I was in a half daze. I was a tad bit in denial about the fact that I would be pushing a baby out of me - really, how do you mentally prepare yourself for that?



So we checked into a single room, with my mother accompanying us. I even managed to skype with kakak and Dicky after I had changed into the hospital gown. A nurse came in and told me that she was going to start the induction at 8pm by inserting a pill called Cervidil. 8pm, it all starts, I remember bracing myself. I watched the clock on the wall like a hawk, nervous about what was going to unfold, but reassuring myself that everything would be fine. I even got out Ayden's onezie and placed it by my pillow to remind myself that soon I would be meeting my son.



Yasir's parents came by around 7pm. I remained calm and cool, chatting with my in-laws despite induction just being an hour away. Finally, 8pm rolled around. The nurse came into the room and everyone waited outside leaving only me and Yasir. The nurse was lovely, she explained that she was going to push the pill deep inside my uterus so it may get a tad bit uncomfortable. She told me to relax so it wouldn't hurt. I held Yasir's hand and looked at him the whole time she got 'all up in there' and inserted the pill. It wasn't so bad, I thought after she had finished, breathing a sigh of relief. Uncomfortable, sure, but not as bad as i had imagined. The nurse told me another nurse will come to check me at 2am to see if I had dilated, and if I hadn't, another Cervidil would be inserted.



I was instructed to lay still for about half an hour so the pill won't fall out should I get up and walk. So I laid in the hospital bed as my in-laws came back into the room, resuming our chit-chat. After we exchanged hugs and they wished me well, my in-laws left and I walked around the hospital to help speed up the labour process. I was feeling very mild contractions but nothing major. Finally, my mom and Yasir said it was best I conserve my energy and rest in bed, so we went back to the room.



Around 2am a nurse came in to check if I was dilated. To put it simply, this 'checking process' involves her shoving her fingers waaaaay up in my vagina and feeling around. I found myself struggling to relax a little, this time. You're 1cm dilated, she told me. 1cm. I guess it's better than nothing, I thought. I'll dilate faster after this, I'm sure, I told myself. She inserted another Cervidil and told me to get some rest.



So we switched off all the lights and Yasir and my mom settled in for the night. Of course, I was far from sleepy. My contractions started getting pretty intense then, and I breathed through each 'wave' in the dark as I reached for Yasir's hand beside me and gripped it tightly. Finally, around 5am, I felt something 'pop' and water started gushing out in between my legs and onto the bed. It was certainly weird, feeling like you were peeing without the ability to stop. In the dark, as water spilled onto the sheets, I said loudly to Yasir, "Sayang! My water broke! My water broke!"



TO BE CONTINUED.






Sloppy kisses,




Aainaa

Friday, June 17, 2011

It's been a while.

As I attempt to resume blogging again, I can't help but feel overwhelmed. Because so much has happened in such a small amount of time.

Let's just say, life for me, has changed.




I have a sweet baby boy who makes my heart sing just by smiling at me. And everytime I look at him, I still can't believe he's mine.

Ayden, a few weeks old.

Of course, it hasn't all been smooth sailing. There were days when I was so tired and frustrated, I would literally feel like tearing my hair out. The first month was especially tough. I hadn't gotten enough sleep since my last night at the hospital, my stitches were aching, my back still sore from the epidural and best of all, my fingers were numb from carpal tunnel syndrome. I was seriously sleep deprived and running on pure adrenaline. Breastfeeding a demanding baby
boy made my breasts so sore and sometimes excruciatingly painful. Ayden would wake up sometimes as often as every hour in the wee hours of the morning, and would barely sleep during the day, so sleep to me seemed like something of the past. Ayden made it worse when he would scream like he was being beaten during every diaper change, and I was doing everything in my power not to get upset from seeing him upset. Babies cry, that's what they do, I would remind myself. And yet with every wail coming out from his tiny little body I felt my tired body and mind getting even more tired.

Man, it was tough.

His short nap during the day

No one really prepares you for how tough being a new parent can get. Everyone talks about the rainbow. No one tells you about the rain. You're unprepared on how overwhelming and new it all is, when you're so tired you can barely care for yourself, yet you have to muster every energy you have in your aching body to care for a tiny little thing. And this 'tiny little thing' will demand every second of your attention, every minute of every hour, everyday.

I suppose it was extra hard for me because I didn't get much help caring for Ayden. Some people have extra hands to help take care of their baby as they catch up on some much needed rest and sleep, but I barely had time to myself. I was trapped within the four walls of the upstairs bedroom in my grandparents' house during my confinement. I couldn't go downstairs because that was part of the rules of the confinement period - strictly no walking up and down any stairs. I had no tv, no internet access, all I had was my blackberry. My mother was still working during the day, Yasir would also be at work, and my maid had house chores to do. So when you're left alone to care for a baby that demands your attention 24/7 while your body is screaming for some rest, you feel like you're hanging on your last thread of sanity. There was no such thing as 'you' time. Showers lasted for five seconds, and meals were barely finished as you gulp down your food because your baby was stirring in his sleep, ready for feeding time. All that keeps you sane is knowing that you have a son to care for and the unconditional love that already exists, despite how hard it got.

Then sometime during this challenging first month, something magical happened. Ayden cracked his first smile! It was one of those nights in his early weeks when he couldn't sleep and was keeping me up at every hour, which seemed like most nights, of course. I was in the midst of changing his diaper for what seemed like the millionth time, my eyes barely open. He looked at me. I looked at him. And somewhere between me slapping on some diaper rash cream and him crying his eyes out, he smiled widely at me. I swear, my heart stopped. It was such a genuine smile, the kind that takes your breath away. I let out a squeal of delight, and all the tiredness that had wrapped itself around my body disappeared. All those sleepless days and nights forgotten. Just like that.



Ayden at 2 months

Now, my little baby boy is two months old as of June 11th, 2011 and is so generous with his cheeky smiles :). He's a bright little thing, already showing so much of his personality - cheeky, outspoken and funny. He's always trying to 'speak' to us - he'll make sounds and the cutest expressions (sometimes at 4am while you're struggling to stay awake!) and you can hold a conversation with him as he responds to what you say with his 'baby speak'. You can see him studying your mouth as you talk as he drinks it all in, his eyes filled with fascination on how it all works. He loves watching Sesame Street on youtube (he can never tear his eyes away from Will.I.Am's What I am video particularly) and laughs a silent laugh, his mouth wide open and his eyes crinkled up, though lately some giggly sounds have been coming out of that tiny little mouth of his!

A blurry photo of Ayden laughing :)

He sleeps for longer during the night now, his bedtime around 9pm and waking up twice throughout the night - a nice break compared to every hour during his first month.



Us watching How I Met Your Mother on tv!

He has taken a liking to watching tv, I'd prop him up in his bouncer and he could spend a good half hour with his eyes just glued to the screen. I also love propping him up against my knees, I'd sing to him and talk to him about anything and everything under the sun and more often than not, he'd let out squeals of delight in between his 'baby speak', seemingly understanding every word I'm saying. He has vivid dreams too, sometimes bursting with laughter out of nowhere, then resumes sleeping.



And when he looks at you with what seems like pure admiration in his eyes, you feel like you can slay any dragon that comes his way.

It's true what they say - nothing can be more challenging and rewarding than raising a child of your own. The feeling is one that's just impossible to describe. No one will make you feel so much. It's an out-of-this-world kind of happiness.



You never knew your heart could fill with this much love. It seems almost impossible, yet you feel it.

Ayden Hood, nothing makes me happier than knowing I'm spending the rest of my days with you in my life. You are certainly a gift - you have only been here for a little more than two months and already you've taught me so, so much. About patience, a love I have never known and myself. I am a whole different 'me' because of you. I hope I'm doing a good job as your mother, and know that I will never let any harm come your way. And seeing your father evolve into a responsible, hands-on dad amazes me day by day, too.

Nothing makes us both prouder than to have you as our son.



I love you, baby. More than anything in this whole wide world.

xxx