breather.

The past month has been one stressful, hectic blur - hence the lack of updates. My last day at Bluinc saw me frantically tearing out my hair and trying my best to complete my job bags at 12am, while at the same time clearing out my desk (thanks to good ol' Yasir, this entailed stuffing whatever I had into paperbags in record time). Thank god I didn't have THAT much junk accumulated throughout the year I was at Bluinc. The defining moment was leaving behind my office tag (it doesn't help that the picture of me on my tag is probably the ONLY decent looking passport photo I've ever taken in my life) and taking one last look at my now-empty desk; the place I had spent endless hours typing away about home recipes for limp hair, whiter teeth, cellulite or "Lace For Day" and "Three Ways To Wear That T-shirt Dress!". It felt surreal that I was leaving that world, the glossy pages of a magazine, and stepping into an entirely different, 'closer to reality' job.

I'm entirely grateful that today is a Public Holiday - at least this gives me 3 days to recuperate. The other day, I had to sit in on some classes at the Language Centre and observe the teachers and the students, y'know, just to get a feel of it. I sat in on a kids class, and was overwhelmed by the boundless energy they had, the questions they would ask (which mostly had nothing to do with the lesson - they were reading a story about how a man who lives on an island needed to find ways to earn money because he owes the Electricity company 1,000 pounds - after reading, this 9-year-old boy in class asks, with a serious look on his face as if he was asking the president a crisis question, "Teacher, if he lives on an island, how does he go shopping?!") Ahhh, kids. And apparently one girl in that particular class cries every 15 minutes, but because I was there, she held back her tears, god bless her little soul.

Oh by the way, Selamat Hari Merdeka. We may not be feeling patriotic because we're nowhere near '1 Malaysia', but when you have grandparents who tell you about how they suffered during the Japanese occupation from having to run and hide, terrified of being found and tortured to death, or how they lost a brother who was shot dead defending the country, you do start to count your little blessings and appreciate those that have perished just so we could call this country our own.

sloppy kisses.

It's been a while...

Haven't written lately because I'm just so darn out of it. Not sure out of what exactly, but I'm thinking it may be...life. I need a holiday, time to reflect on my life and everything that surrounds it, fills it and shapes it. I don't think this has anything to do with the fact that I just turned 26 (or does it?). I just need some 'me' time. I'm sure everyone feels like they need 'me' time too; but this is my blog and I'll rant about me. I've heard of this crisis that hits twenty-somethings. Usually, when you approach your mid-twenties, you feel lost, unsure if what you're doing is what you should be doing, and whether you should still continue doing it. You're still battling your career choices. Most of my close girlfriends aren't totally happy with the job they're in right now...and yes, we're all the same age. The fact that I've chosen a different career path is because I'm still weighing out my options, and I feel like I need to do something that is emotionally rewarding, if you will - and teaching fits the bill perfectly. If I had it my way, I would say my dream job would be to work with animals. But I can't bear seeing sick animals, so I'd have to work in a place where all the animals are healthy and happy. How does one go about becoming an animal trainer, I wonder? I would also love to travel...to see different cultures; experience them, smell them and eat them. I want to go to the commercial places like New York, Paris, Italy and Japan first...then I'll travel to remote islands. I don't really do jungles, but Africa is a dream too. My grandfather has always wanted me to be an English Professor. If I do decide to stay in the teaching line, that title sounds pretty darn appealing to me! I'd like to do my Masters, one step at a time first, then we'll see about getting a PhD. I suppose I'll need to brush up on my spelling and grammar, of course. Ha ha. I've always loved writing, I knew the minute I could put pen to paper, that I was a writer - I would write my own children stories when I was as little as four-years-old. The Peter and Jane series and Enid Blyton books inspired me then. I don't think I'll ever give up writing; if not I would die - how else am I going to express myself? I guess that's what this blog is for, I'd make up imaginary readers and pretend I was talking to them. Even if no one ever reads this.

From time to time, I'd ask myself - what is it that I really want? And the answer is... I haven't figured that out yet. In a way, that's the beauty of life; it gives you that challenge to keep on searching for what it is that will really fulfill you...and although at times you feel like you want to give up searching for it and you are willing to be stuck in that rut, you must never give up. Take risks, plunge into the unknown...change your job a 100 times if you must. Never, ever give up. If you have to stay in a safe job because of the money and you have responsibilities, go ahead, but dwell on things that bring out the real you. Take dance lessons if you love to dance, or audition for plays if you love acting, sell cakes if you love to bake. Life is too short to waste it away doing something you hate dragging yourself out of bed for.