Yippeeeee!

Yours truly is now officially a Beauty Writer for female magazine! Bring out the (non-alco) bubbly!

sloppy Beauty Writer kisses!

Another shout out!

...to my homegirl Shikin, for texting me this morning saying she read my 'sirih' post and that she's been following my blog since Day 1 - and all this while I had nooo idea. Yay to Shikin! :D

p/s: I believe it's the other way round - YOU made my gloomy Monday morning, darling.

sloppy kisses!

My mom on meeting a husband

So this morning I was watching American Idol auditions (for some strange reason they weren't showing the usual re-run of Friends..damn you starworld! You have messed with the order of my universe!) and my mom walks in and hands me a plate, with some sort of leafy thing on it.

"Eat this. Cepat sikit jodoh," she orders.

I grunt and roll my eyes. "What is that thing?" I mumble.

"Sirih. Just eat it, and baca doa cepat jodoh. Mama jumpa ustaz semalam. Dia tolong baca," she says irritably.

I take the plate gingerly and look at the sirih, like it's some sort of voodoo thing and it will jump at me and bite me.

"Minum ni," she hands me a cup.

"What in the world is that pulak?" I ask incredulously.

"Minum and baca doa cepat jodoh. Dengar cakap mama!"

I take the cup and peek inside it. It looks like normal, clear water. Phew.

"Ok bye ma," I say, signalling my mom to leave me so I can watch a girl in a pink top and cowboy hat warble her heart out in front of Simon, Paula and Randy. I place the plate on my lap and am still holding the cup.

"Doa `Aainaa, doa! Cepat jodoh!" she says again.

I swear, if I hear the word 'cepat jodoh' one more time...I think to myself.

"Yes ma, I'll do it in a bit!" I look at her, annoyed. Finally after we exchange stares for what seemed like an hour of my life I'll never get back, she leaves.

I slowly pick up the leafy thing and nibble around the edges. Ok, not so bad, I can do this. I take a bigger bite, and hit the middle part. It felt like I had just swollen a chunk (if it had chunks) of Minyak Cap Kapak. I grab at the cup and gulp down what was in it, rush to the kitchen to grab a handful of cereal and shove it in my mouth to drown out the taste. NASTY NASTY NASTY!

Moral of story: Good ol' fashion networking is a better way to meet men rather than chew on nasty-as sirih. And if you already have a boyfriend, bug his ass so he proposes. This method may prove to be far more effective and doesn't require you frantically ransacking your fridge for something to mask the Minyak Cap Kapak taste which will probably take you a lifetime to forget *shudder.

If all else fails, have some gum at hand. Strong gum.

This is a happy post # god knows, who's counting?

In stuffy, cant-breathe sinus-y times like these and when the world is in turmoil, I look to these little things that may seem so insignificant to some but give me that warm, fuzzy feeling :-

- Looking up at the stars on a breezy night.

- A shoulder to cry on when I'm sobbing away at a sad scene in a movie.

- My cat Dots kissing me when I say "Nak kiss!" to him.

- Secret Recipe's Caramel cheesecake. Had it for Datuknenek's anniversary and it was bananas.

- Aldo shoes at 70% off. I sleep, eat and shower in them.

- Watching Scrubs on DVD the whole of Saturday with The Boyfriend and generally being lazy bums.

- The latest addition to my cat family, tiny lil' Skater :) Found him by the side of the road, sitting all alone. He loves biting my fingers and I love him to death.

- Watching two episodes of Friends while eating cereal, before showering and heading off to work.

- Movie night at Maine's, with KFC.

- Grabbing tabloid magazines and pouring over them one by one in a corner of MPH or Times. Best guilty pleasure ever!

sloppy kisses,
`Aainaa

Let go

If you've been following my blog (If you haven't, go back a few months and read "Daddy dearest"), then you'll know that my biological father aka That Man divorced my mom when I was ten because of another woman. You'll also know that it's been years since I've heard from him and he's not exactly your typical, doting father. What I'm about to write is actually long overdue. I've been ignoring it for years, and it's crossed my mind from time to time, but I've always refused to acknowledge it. I've realised that it doesn't matter how successful/good/awesome you are..if you come from a dysfunctional family, it subconsciously affects how you handle your relationships, one way or the other. What I'm trying to say is, if your parents have had a bad relationship at one point, it's almost always bound to affect how you handle YOUR relationships.

See, my ex boyfriends would all agree with me when I say I'm a bit bossy (ok, maybe a lot bossy) as a girlfriend. I'm not the "Don't wear this, Don't say this" type of bossy, but I tend to 'test' my boyfriend every now and then. I overanalyse. I find myself being dramatic, while a part of me screams "What the hell are you doing??", I can get upset over the smallest things, like when a boyfriend doesn't think to buy Vicks for me when I can't breathe. This is the typical thought process:-

I have stuffy nose and can't breathe -> Boyfriend doesn't automatically think of buying Vicks even when he sees I have trouble breathing = me thinking he doesn't care that I am miserable with said stuffy nose, and ultimately doesn't give a rat's ass about my well being in general = eventually he'll turn into monster crap husband a few years down the road, just like That Man and one day decide to pack up and leave.

I have a very distinctive pattern with all my exes. I test them over and over again, to see how much they love me, how much they're willing to go through for me. And after I do all that, I'll repeat the whole vicious cycle. And all because of one reason - I've seen how my mom and That Man were together, her hanging onto his every word, playing the part of the perfect wife. He left her anyway. I know everything happens for a reason, but deep down, I am petrified. And because I'm so determined to not go down that same road, I've developed this subconscious need to analyse, nit-pick the littlest details and shy away from commitment. My relationships are never short of drama - without realising it, I'll do everything I can to fuck it up.

I've come to realise that my quest for the perfect man, everything That Man never was will always get in the way of me being completely happy in a relationship. There's no such thing as The Perfect Man. There's no such thing as a Super Boyfriend who will do NO wrong - boyfriends are humans, and they will mess up from time to time. And isn't that what unconditional love is all about? Loving one another no matter how imperfect they are? I'm trying my best to let go of my demons, and let down this invisible wall that's been up so long, so I can stop protecting myself from getting hurt, but instead know the one I'm with will not hurt me. I have to tell myself that just because I have an awful father, not all men will turn out to be like him. Most importantly, I'll have to let go of my insecurities and learn to trust that my heart is in good hands.

To Yasir, thank you for the Vicks, and I'm sorry I cried in the car on the way to work this morning just because you didn't think of buying it for me before. I am slowly but surely trying to improve myself because I would like to keep you in my life. Please be patient with me, I'll get there one day..

I love you sayang.