The paranoia of being pregnant.

I received a message on fb from one of my friends (shout out to Hajar!) who says that she reads my blog and marvels at how well I'm handling my pregnancy, while she on the other hand feels quite anxious about everything. Honestly, I think every pregnant woman would agree with me when I say we are paranoid about EVERY LITTLE THING. I, for one, am one of the most paranoid person I know.

The first time I found out I was pregnant, I was only about a month along and instantly my mind started flashing back to those times I had a spa session (I got into a hot tub AND had a brutal back massage forgodsakes!), jumped about with my girlfriends at Mar's house (literally jumping about while posing in the air, for the camera haha) and god knows what other stuff I was up to before I found out I was knocked up. Anyway, I didn't allow myself to be overjoyed that my pregnancy tests showed 'positive', because I was so sure I had done everything in my power to harm that little zygot :( Plus, this is strange, but a lot of people around me were bracing me for..the worst. They would go, "Don't get too excited, early stages VERY fragile!" Which added to my negative thinking. I mean, these people care about me and I'm sure they mean well, but all that talk about not keeping my hopes up high really took me to the highest level of paranoia, I kid you not. And especially when they start telling you stories about people they know who suffered from miscarriages..that made everything even worse.

Anyway, it wasn't all rainbows and carebears the first time I went for a scan. The doctor couldn't find the sac. Basically, she couldn't see anything. And she reassured me it was a bit too early to see anything, and that the scanning equipment she uses is not high tech, that if I went to the hospital I would be able to see something etc etc. And what did I start doing? I broke down, right there in her office. It was because I had pent up negative energy inside me that was bursting to come out, topped with an unhealthy dose of paranoia, and finally coupled with the blank scan...I told her how I was extremely worried that I started sputtering about how I felt like I had harmed the baby in its fragile state. The doctor told me that I had to start focusing on staying positive, because stressing out in itself was harmful to the baby, and that it was perfectly normal not to see anything if the pregnancy is at its 'baby' stages. In the end, she told me to come back in two weeks.

When Yasir and I got home, I decided to turn my thinking around. I knew the doctor was right, worrying and stressing too much would do absolutely nothing for the baby. I guess I adapted this new attitude, to talk and think positively about the baby..and know that whatever happens is in god's hands. I started visualising that I was having a normal, healthy pregnancy and that the baby was safe in my uterus. I talked more about the baby to friends who made me feel that I was having a normal pregnancy, and that everything was going to turn out fine. I even started talking to my bebe, telling him or her to stay strong "in there" and saying that I know insyaallah everything will be fine, if it's meant to be. Two weeks later, at the second check-up, Yasir and I saw that tiny little dot up on the monitor. Who knew that such a small dot could make my heart soar :)

The thing about pregnancy is, a mom-to-be's worries are endless. You could be in the early stages of your pregnancy and feel anxious about the baby making it through to that crucial 3 month milestone, or you could be like me, at 5 months and worried about the baby's brain and physical developments, as well as trivial things like my tummy not being big enough, am I hurting him when I lie on my side and he starts kicking when I do so etc etc. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. Despite my posts on my blog about already naming my baby, buying him clothes, wanting him to grow up into a gentleman, there is ALWAYS that constant paranoia that things could go wrong, nauzzubillah. But I learned that we can't control our fate, we can do our absolute best to help it turn out how we would want to. And I'm being the best mother I can be to Ayden right now, staying positive about his developments, and visualising him growing into a healthy baby boy, and counting down the days I'll be holding him in my arms, insyaallah. Aminn. Plus, before the era where pregnant moms loaded up on vitamins, DHA, folic acid etc etc, our grandmothers and their mothers did everything the natural way, my grandma didn't even get to see her babies before they were born, and alhamdulillah her babies (my mom and aunt) came out perfectly healthy. Sometimes, you've just gotta learn to stop worrying too much, let nature take its course during your pregnancy... and let go. I suppose that's the first thing we learn on being a mother while our baby's still in the womb. Never too early for a lesson on parenting, eh?

Anyway, Hajar, if you're reading this, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you on the supplements I'm taking! Ah, might as well tell you here hahah. I'm taking calcium pills and obimin, which is a multi-vitamin. But I'll be updating to Obimin Plus, because that one has DHA to help aid in the baby's brain development. And occasionally,Yasir makes me one of those powdered milk drinks for pregnant and breastfeeding women. That's about it, for now! My next xheck up is next weekend - we'll be 22 weeks, insyaallah. Hopefully we'll get to see the babyy's face :)

To expecting mothers, try not to worry too much, although easier said than done. I find that voicing your anxiety and fears to a fellow pregnant person always helps too. Aaina Kameilia, if you're reading this, you know what I'm talking about don't you? Haha. Alright, time for breakfast..have a beautiful weekend everyone!

Sloppy kisses!