Things yo momma never told you.

Ahh, pregnancy. That healthy glow. Growing a life inside you. Push push, out comes baby. And we all live happily ever after.

Not quite.

No one tells you about...

The constipation. Good lord, the constipation. When you're pregnant, everything in your body slows down, including your... errr, colonic activities. You can spend more than half an hour sweating your non-existant balls off just trying to unload. You may feel like you are about to give birth. It can get pretty effing painful, no joke. I always feel like I'm about to faint and start seeing stars after a strenuous sesh. Sometimes I cry. Piles is also all too common amongst pregnant women. Luverrly. Better start drinking water like your life depends on it unless you like the feeling of trying to squeeze a watermelon out of your ass. Look at the bright side, I suppose it does give you some form of 'push' practice, though.

Your pimply face. Now, not all pregstars are lucky enough to travel back in time and relive their high school days when their face resembled a pizza. Mmm, pizza.... Anyway, before we go off topic, those pus filled suckers will rear their ugly heads because of the spike of hormones in your system. At this point, you may look like a knocked up teenager. Throw in some braces to complete the look if you're feeling festive. And stay the hell away from the flawless, 'I'm so effortlessly beautiful and glowy', acne-free preggos for fear of snarling at them or tearing out their hair. Bitches.

Oily hair. Gone are the days you could make your hairdo last a month (or more if you're really that cheap), without shampooing. Pay 40 bucks at a salon for a blowdry, and see it last for a day, max. Goodbye expensive blowdry, hello helmet hair.

Toot, toot. Burp. Yes, we're carrying a life inside of us. But we are also carrying a lot of gas. If you're stuck in a lift with a bunch of people, you can bet that smell came from the preggo. But don't start staring, that would just be plain rude.

Funbags sans the fun. If our boobs are feeling sore, husbands should keep hands to themselves. One wrong move and we'll smackdown, flying kick your asses. HAI-YAKKK!!!

Is that my stomach or is that Chewbacca? Yep, unfortunately growing belly hair all over is the norm. Sometimes after you get out of the shower, your stomach may just resemble a hairy monkey. Sexy stuff.

I had a teeny, tiny sip of water - I gotta go bad. Excuse the preggo if she's stepping on your toes while trying to scramble out of the cinema in the middle of a suspenseful scene, she's gotta whizz. So what if it's for the fifth time. Get in her way and she may use your cup in ways you'd rather not imagine. Bottomline, if a preggo has gotta go, she's gotta go.

Acid reflux. Enough said.


Sloppy kisses,
'Aainaa

P\s: To fellow preggos, this post was written in good humour. Please don't get all crazy hormonal and sit on me.