Career woman vs Supermom

Lately, something strange has been happening to me. I don't know if the recent whirlwind of engagements, weddings and 'giving births' has something to do with it, but I find myself battling with two sides of the ultimate goals I want to achieve in life. It may be no secret to some of you that I'm contemplating my career path - I liken myself to a caged bird, wanting to taste the freedom of flight. I want to succeed, to build a name for myself, to have something of my own. I want to be that woman in a sleek and sexy work outfit. Most important of all, I want to be able to make enough money to buy anything I want from a high-fashion store and not think twice about it when I stand at the counter register. I want to be able to have jars of La Mer on my dressing room table. I'm not just talking about buying expensive clothes and facial creams, I'm talking about financial freedom. I want to live the comfortable life, live in a beautiful home, lavishly decorated. I want all these things.

Then, there's this other side of me that has been kicking in lately and it's kicking quite hard - you guessed it, my maternal instincts. I find myself secretly envying married couples (ESPECIALLY if they're young) who walk around shopping malls with a bouncing baby in tow. The other day, I was in the female restroom at The Curve and this adorable young woman in a floaty pink dress, who looked around my age was changing her baby girl's diaper. She looked a little flustered as she struggled to complete her task, but she was smiling while her baby gurgled happily. I'm even smiling as I'm writing this now, because it was such a cute sight. I saw a little bit of myself in her, once I have my first baby (Insya-Allah). The sight of a mother bonding with her child never fails to bring this excited little flutter in my heart.

I know a lot of my friends place 'climbing the career ladder' over having kids first, but secretly, deep inside me, having a family of my own is a dream of mine that would fulfill me more than any designer outfit or jars of La Mer ever will. Of course, having a fulfilling career and making a name of your own is GREAT and something I still definitely want to achieve in life. I'm not just going to be a baby-making machine, but I know where my priorities lie. I want to be there for my children, not just dump them on the nanny while I attend meetings and events. I've also realised that women who decide to concentrate on bringing up their children are looked down on by some career-minded women because they're just so 'old-fashioned'. Seriously, these 'modern' women should be knocked on the head. Yes, it's admirable that you're so successful and making lots of money, but being a mom isn't easy, I'm sure we all know that. It's no secret that even Oprah has said time and time again that being a full-time mother is the hardest job in the world. What you deem 'fulfilling' in life is different for different people.

And so I've been pondering lately about what I deem fulfilling in MY life - and out of 'career woman' and 'supermom' `Aainaa, I've decided that no matter what job I'm doing, or wherever I am, when my family calls me, I will always, always come running.

In my Manolo Blahniks.

:)